Archive | September 2014

The Makeup Artiste

Right people. So, in the spirit of le wedding, decided to write a short story centered not around a bride or groom or any of the usual suspects in wedding stories. This one is about the make-up artiste. Enjoy.

TL

woman painting

Agnes Omotola Braide. Daughter of a Yoruba woman and an Igbo father. If you had read the story you are about to share on any blog, you would curse the person out in all the languages you speak as a daughter of Jezebel, sent from the pits of hell and who had the hottest parts of hell as the only destination they were good enough for. But here you are, naked except for the sheets you are wrapped in. The movement beside me called me back to the present. One touch, and fire ran through my body, enhanced by a second feeling I refused to admit I felt. But it was there, gnawing at my heart, clipping at my heels.

Forty eight hours earlier, I had woken up to the worst news possible for a young twenty eight year old Nigerian girl. Here in Nigeria, at twenty eight, you are already at the line of joining the “so you have not seen someone to marry you” crowd, that crowd that the Nigerian society unjustly does everything to tag as failures at womanhood. What keeps you going though is when you have a man everyone knows is your own. In the local parlance, you guys are “serious” and it’s only a matter of time before he drops on one knee and produces the shiny stone that you’ll pretend to be surprised to see when in your mind you are really saying “what took you so long?”

So, here was my twenty eight year old self, waiting for my Tega to do it. A little about us. I’m a make-up artiste, one of the best known in the country. Brides book me months in advance for their weddings and I’ve been in almost every Nigerian state and all the usual Nigerian wedding destinations like Dubai, London, the U.S, Bahamas and Seychelles to make brides pretty on their big day. Tega, on the other hand, was a suave advertising firm owner. Eligible bachelor extraordinaire, I’d met him before his rise began, and we had been together for six years now. I still think of this wrongly. It hasn’t sunk in. What I meant to really say is that we were together for six years until 48hours ago. That Thursday morning, as I was preparing to go and make my latest bride up for her engagement ceremony, I was making my early morning rounds on the blogs when I first saw the pictures. It was on every blog, every single one of them. Tega had gotten married to that witch the day before.

For two years, I’d known about her. She was his side-chick, but it had never been serious. I had initially made a humongous scene and quarreled with Tega. I was in the “how could he” phase at that time. But even as I fought my man, it seemed to push him further into her arms. My wiser friends borrowed me brain and I wised up. She was the side-chick, and I was the main one. I needed to behave like my status. So I gave Tega a stern warning that I didn’t want to see or hear about her again and then ended the quarrels. He was genuinely relieved. He stayed off her for a few months, but men are so hopeless when it comes to these things. He codedly started seeing her off and on again. I was tempted to throw a tantrum, but decided not to follow those instincts and turned a blind eye. It worked. It seemed the side-chicks changed but none ever got really serious. Tega and I moved steadily towards the marriage train. Until I got the shocker of my life that morning. Apparently, I had been the side-chick for a while and hadn’t known. He had married her. She was from the right elite family and not a hustler like me, and Tega probably calculated that he would ride on her name to get into the highest circles of society. My wising up now seemed like the most foolish thing to do.

But I, Agnes, being the strong woman I believe myself to be, packed my work things and went to Lekki Phase 1 to the bride’s family house and got to work. She was pretty, but oh my, she was one bridezilla. I normally would have left the venue to go and chill in my hotel room and prepare for the usually hectic wedding day, but decided to stay back so I wouldn’t be alone that day and start dwelling on dark thoughts. Better to postpone the evil day and party away. It was a decision I wish I hadn’t taken now.

It was while at the engagement that I listened to him. He said the words he knew would get to me. He knew me better than I thought he did, it would seem. My head told me to hit him over the head with a spiked baseball bat, that he was evil, but my heart refused to listen. It clung to his words desperately squeezing out comfort from them. Hasn’t he gotten himself a wife, you foolish girl, my head said. But my heart shouted louder, why can’t he be yours, even if it’s just briefly? You will regret this! My head screamed but I didn’t listen still. As the day wore on, the alcohol made the voice of my head fainter and my heart was roaring. Very bad combination for a heartbroken girl in denial.

“You’ll be late,” the silky male voice beside me reminded me that Saturday morning. “You know she can be a real bridezilla if you keep her waiting.” He said this with a leery smile on his face. That feeling shot through me again and I didn’t fight it this time. In my time, I had done the figurative walk of shame a couple of times before, but this was the first time the guilt caused me real shame. I was going to the bathroom get ready to go and do the make-up for the bride whose groom still lay naked in my hotel room bed.

A Tailored Love Story

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 ” When something is made for you, every detail fits perfectly.”

I’ve posted fiction on this blog for 3 years but this is something  different. On  the 20th of September, God willing, I’d  be marrying this beautiful girl I met on twitter! Shes a fashion designer and definitely the one for me.

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And just like you, she came on here sometime and became a follower of the blog. Here’s sharing our little love story…

Foluso’s Story

 From Fans to friends to future partners
How we met:
I first knew of Tunde in April 2012 when my cousin had sent me a link to his blog, (They were friends from church). It was his debut online series ‘Finding Hubby’. I fell in love with his writing moreso, twas a very relatable story, but since I’m not an avid reader, I stopped going to the blog when the story ended.
Then In Dec finally, after that same cousin of mine had given me 1thousand reasons to join twitter, I found one more- I was going on there to get first hand info about my Ex. And then I found Tunde Leye, I’m like “oh the writer!”. So I started following him.
 
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 One afternoon, late April 2013, he had tweeted about bad network, hence was in an awkward position in another room in his apartment.  I replied the tweet saying that I was also in the same position in my brother’s room for the same reason. So he responded asking if I was a cousin of Tinu George’s having seen my name, I answered in the affirmative and that was how we got talking. He said immediately (as though he had been waiting for the opportunity) that he’d plan a meeting soon and within three weeks of everyday chatting, we met on May 12 at La Mango.
 
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Things I like about our meeting:
 
1. I like that I found him when I wasn’t even looking, even when he and my cousin were friends, we never got introduced and things just played out on their own.
 
2. There was ‘no long thing’. On our first date, He told me straight up he wanted something really serious. And that was well  understood cos from our chats he had identified the difference between dating and dating seriously.
 
 
The Proposal
 
It happened on the afternoon of Saturday March 15th, it was two weeks to my 30th birthday. I was home relaxing although in the midst of workmen because my mum was remodelling the house, mostly for our introduction scheduled for Easter Monday, wedding plans were in the works So I knew a proposal was coming soon but I really thought he’d make it a birthday something.
 
 
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 That’s why when he showed up, I didnt suspect anything.  Naturally we just started chatting about the introduction party. I had mentioned that I hadn’t told my friends yet since he hadn’t proposed officially and in that instance, he got up and said I should come to my studio to give him the books ( that I had borrowed from him for a shoot).
 
I was wondering ‘cos he had come many weekends after the shoot and had told him to sort out his books but he won’t listen. Well, I followed moments after and typically, I continued with what I was saying about not having told my friends since he didnt respond and seemingly covered up with books. Then he justed started laughing and I’m like what’s funny, then he goes “you’ve not told your friends about our introduction and you still don’t have a ring on your finger…awwww”, raising my hand and really laughing.
 
I moved away from him forming sulking since he was making fun of me. Then he pulled me to himself and said “oya sorry lemme sing for you”. I’m like I don’t want to hear any song, rolling my eyes in my mind-“wetin concern singing for this matter now?” He said he was serious as I sometimes ask him to sing, so I said ok. He held me close with my head on his shoulder and started singing Luther vandross’ ‘Dance with my father’ whilst stroking my hair and kissing my face, did the last verse in his own words (as written on the card) “…I would love to be your husband as long as I live. Now I’m going on my knees. ..” and it was in that moment I saw the opened box with the ring in front of me, it happened so fast I didnt know where it came from. Then he went on one knee and slid it on my finger. I was too surprised to talk.
 
 
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Things I like about the proposal
 
Even though I was expecting a more dramatic proposal knowing the kind of things he writes about, I ended up loving the way it turned out- more private and intimate.
 
 1.I like that it happened in my house and in a room which holds many memories for me. Its the same room I had cried myself to sleep many times heart broken. It’s also where I launched off my dream of fashion designing, moving from a bedroom to a fashion workshop.
 
2. I like that he honoured my late dad in his own way with the song. He asked if I knew why he chose that song and I nodded.
 
3. I like that I was truly surprised for the first time ever! Because I always figure things out somehow. Even though I knew the proposal was coming, he pulled it off when I least expected!
 
Advice:
1. When it comes to relationships, you can’t be too careful. Don’t fight it and don’t generalise. Let God take care of you.
 
2. Comparison is the killer. Don’t compare your relationship with another. Be patient and understanding.
 
3. Pray together. Possibly, set aside a day when you fast together. It works!
 
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My Story

How Finding Hubby Found Me Wifey
 
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How We Met:
I had known about Foluso for about a year before we first talked. Like destiny, different people in different areas of my life knew her closely, but we had never met.
First, her cousin Tinu was my very good friend from the church I grew up and she always talked about going to Foluso’s house regularly. I had even seen pictures of her and thought, all these fine girls sha. Take one, I didn’t listen to the nudging.
Then one of my colleagues grew up with her. I was very good friends with this colleague and I had seen Foluso on her DP a couple of times as well. Take two, I still didn’t listen.
Then I discovered she was very close friends with a friend’s cousin. We talked about her, but I still didn’t hear.
Thankfully, in spite of my non-hearing, social media brought her to me. Like a blessing in disguise, MTN’s epileptic network led me to tweet about it. She responded, and all the previous bells rang in my head. So began three weeks of chatting non-stop. By the time we met at La-Mango, I knew it was her and I asked her out. So, my writing brought me my wife.
 
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The Proposal:
I knew she was expecting it either on Vals Day or her birthday which was a little over a month after. She was working on Vals Day on a bride’s wedding dress though so we didn’t see. I had planned to do the proposal rather dramatically at a Karaoke Bar, but that didn’t quite work out. Foluso is very hard to surprise, so I decided to ensure I did. Our parents had already met and we had fixed Intro date by then so she was watching for the proposal.
That Saturday, I planned everything down to my clothes. Just tees and linen pants (so it could hide the ring in my pocket), I got to her house. Workmen were everywhere except her workshop, so I knew that was the only place I could do it. As we got talking about the intro, she began talking about how when her friends asked her about proposal, she would just look like, en, he hasn’t done it yet. Inside, I was laughing. So I would not burst out laughing there, I went into her workshop. When I called her to come and sort my books (I loaned them to her for a photoshoot) she gave me a “look” and came to the workshop still chatting away.  I couldn’t help it any longer, I burst out laughing and I could see she was getting pissed. So I asked to do a song And then I proposed.
 
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Advice:
If you see what you want, don’t dillydally; go for it.
Don’t let ghosts of the past haunt your current relationship. I’d been single from a nasty break up for 3years when we met. I didn’t allow the experience affect our relationship
Answer your DMs. NICELY
 
 
Ok so, we have played this out in our ” Tailored Love Story”…Enjoy!
  

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Foluso’s Clothes: Foluso, for Ma’am – Yours Fashionably. Twitter @ursfashionably IG @yoursfashionably

TL’s Clothes: Chris Legend

Photography: Laphy Photography.