Baba Risi’s Court – Kukuru Musicians

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Baba Risi sat in his court and surveyed the thronging crowd. Today, the court room was filled to overflowing and Rosco was making a killing at the gate. People were paying One Thousand Naira to enter. Before that day, they highest gate fees he had taken was Two Hundred Naira, after his encounter with Stella Oduah on TV. And the reasons stood in front of him now, fuming at each other. Both of them were dressed the same way.

“Which one of you is Wiski and which on is Davido?” Baba Risi asked.

“It’s your boy Wizzy! Yayi!” Wizkid said, doing the peace sign.

Trying to outdo him, Davido skipped forward and sang “It’s Davido ooo”.

Baba Risi hissed. “What is all this palapala? What is your case by the way?”

“It’s this Nigga man. He doesn’t know that twenty man shall fall that day when they cross my lane, and he just went on twitter to mouth off to me. I been in this game longer and should get R.E.S.P.E.C.T” He spelt out the last word with an attitude.

“How you wan fall twenty man. Do you have gbekude?” Baba Risi asked

“No” Wizkid responded

“Gbetugbetu nko?”

“No”

“Bante?”

“No”

“Ifunpa?”

“What tha hell is that” I ain’t got none of those crap man. I got my crew and that’s all I need to fall any man” Wizkid responded indignantly.

Baba Risi laughed. “Na these ajebuta children wey dey your back wan fall 20 men? You no get all those things and you dey make mouth. Small pikin no sabi juju, he dey call am vegetable. Ngbo, Davido, wetin be your own side?”

“This one will just be talking respect like we are in secondary school. I’m bigger than him now, and he should be bowing down, with his wack H-factor. Hugly nigga”

“You wey do head like Ninja Turtle dey call person ugly? Wondafu.” Baba Risi responded and the whole courtroom burst into laughter.

“Oh, I’m wack, but who do they catch in pictures with orisirisi (pronounced owisiwisi) low class girls?” Wizkid added.

“You these too small pikin, na abuse una come abuse unaself for here? With una tight jeans wey no go let una blokos breath. And na so two of una short, kurumbete people.”

“An an!” Wizkid and Davido chorused. “Na you dey yab us pass baba now” Davido added.

“En, me I be the judge and na my work be that. Shebi na musician una be, na by music we go know who be winner for this case. Rosco, oya set the mic!”

The courtroom spectators cheered. It was not everyday you got the opportunity of watching Davido and Wizkid perform up close in this manner.

Quickly, Rosco set up the Ahuja sound system they had rented for the occasion.

“DJ Cripple, you don ready?” he hollered at the guy on the mixer.

In response, DJ Cripple scratched and screeched on his turntable. Rosco passed a well-worn microphone to Davido. “Oya go first, Ninja Turtle.”

Immediately, Sina Rambo and B-Red jumped up from the crowd to back Davido up.

“DJ, track 2,” Davido said and as soon as the soundtrack started, he began to mime.

Baba Risi got up and shouted. “Wetin be this? This one na performance? Abeg, abeg, abeg, Cripple, off that beat. I wan hear this boy sing.”

“But…” Davido protested.

Wizkid started laughing derisively. Fuming, Davido said into the mic, “leggo!”

“All the girls dem dey dance galala…” he began.

Baba Risi jumped up and shouted for the second time in two minutes. “Off the mic! Off the mic! Abajo wey you been dey mime. Wetin you dey drink? Haba, why your voice crack like this now? Na so 9ice own start o, now we no fit hear am. Abeg make we hear Wiski jare.”

Davido was livid. He began shouting “What you saying old nigga? Nobody, I repeat nobody stops my performance. You know how many awards I’ve won this year? You know…”

“Who be nigga? I go turn you to real turtle now if you no sharrap and pass the mic”

Muna stood up in the crowd and shouted “pass the mic!” as if she had been waiting for the opportunity all day and the crowd took up the chant. Holding his head down, Davido handed the microphone over to Wizkid.

Wizkid screamed into the mic “Yaga!” and the crowd responded.

Then he started singing.

“Ogbeni, is it a must that you repeat every word like 5 times ni?” Baba Risi cut in after a few lines of booty Bombay and the likes.

“That’s the hook man, you know, the hook!” Wizkid responded.

“Hook ko, fishing rod ni. If you no get lyrics, talk jare, no dey lie on top hook. Wait now, you go see music. Rosco, you don call am?”

“Sure baba, he don land,” Rosco said as he pushed his way outside to fetch the guest. Both Wizkid and Davido waiting to see who this great musician Baba Risi had brought would be. All of a sudden, they heard over the public address.

“Suprissssssse Paso!”

The crowd responded “Paso Surpriso!”

The call came again from the voice they could now tell was Pasuma’s “Paso Surpriso!”

The crowd erupted “Surprisssssssse Paso”

Then, Pasuma raced to the front and DJ Cripple started a strong fuji beat.

Over the noise, Baba Risi asked Rosco “hope say you video everything? My friend for Alaba don dey ready to buy am and release for DVD by weekend o.”

“Sure baba, you know say I no dey miss that kain thing,” Rosco responded with a toothy smile.

As the crowd gyrated, Baba Risi watched the two young pop singers quietly slip away. He smiled and counted how much he had made from them mentally.

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10 thoughts on “Baba Risi’s Court – Kukuru Musicians

  1. Bwahahahahahahaha. I nearly puked when I heard davido speak. Kiini!! Both of them suld take several seats back jere. They want to use this their little success hinder their future progress

  2. Mehn, see swagz! Na real Ninja Turtle ati Wiski! A crazily funny piece! LMAO@gbekude, gbetugbetu and the likes. Baba Risi is not born again at all, nuh-uh! LOOL

    Truth be told though, a genuine artiste can be identified by his vocal dexterity especially as it applies to real live stage performances with a live band, devoid of miming and lipsynching! I hail the likes of Darey, Tu-Baba and of course, awon Paso, Omo Rapala Obesere, KSA and other Fuji, Juju and Highlife acts. They always hold it down and reign supreme in this regard! Awon Doro-correct! Tx TL, your head dey there jo, jeun lo! LMAO.

  3. LOL. Wetin really concern baba Risi for yeye matter? No be to have fun and “sell market”? The “yabbings” are mad! Serious humour.

    Apparently music nowadays is about the entertainment, the beats, and well. . . lots of ladies and bare flesh (from all body corners) in videos. They sound all sonorous—and of course, lucifer-ous—in their tracks. Call ’em to do it again live and direct then you get to see a clip like one from NatGeo wild showing egg-laden Congo frogs doing their croak-ey business.

    Much respect to the oldies for quality delivery on and off stage (I.K Dairo was sizzling). The young entertainers (turtle, wiski. . . even bingo) should be recognised too, for their musical biz ideas and packaging prowess. 🙂

    Nice!

  4. U really outdid urself dis tym TL, fabulous, got me so cracked up, d family was wondering wat was wrong wiv me.

  5. I just read this…ROTFLMAO!
    I have always said that this new crop of musicians make too much noise without content….I’m glad I’m not alone on this. Well done TL!

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