Before we get to today’s story, here’s a special Baba Risi announcement. Ekene Ngige and I have been working on something sweet, and it’s for Christmas season. Yes! The Christmas season is here. And we’ll be bringing you a special Baba Risi animation to celebrate. Here’s a what the characters that will feature in it will look like. Keep your fingers crossed.
Baba Risi’s Court makes a special Monday debut today. It features the one and only @SagaySagay with whom I collaborated on the episode with Sikiru Oniru in it. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Stay tuned next week as we begin a new series on Monday called A Little Bird Said.
and of course
Enjoy today’s Baba Risi
This was going to be a marquee case in Baba Risi’s Court. On one side, was lawyer turned banker, Abiodun, a.k.a SagaySagay. Sikiru had recommended Baba Risi’s Court to him and he had insisted that this was the only court he would appear against his opponent. He had in his team great men and women from Nigerian twitter including @ayosogunro, @shecrownlita, @dupekilla, @deboadejugbe and all the other big boys and girls, especially the writers and bloggers. One of their own had a case to answer, and they had come to show support.
To the left, wearing a smart double-breasted jacket, was Sagay’s opponent. He was the epitome of finesse, and compared to Sagay’s laidback buba and sokoto, he looked sharper than a razor. He was the Nigerian rep of the twitter handle @uberfacts. Baba Risi was just hearing of the twitter thing. Rosco had told him some people were even making money from it. “Just get many followers,” he said “and people go pay you to talk to them. Even politicians go pay you more baba. No think am o, na wetin many of these our boys dey do be that.” Small commotion had happened as all the twitter people did not want to pay Rosco the entrance fee and they kept speaking plenty English. Rosco did not even do like he heard all their English.
“Why do we have to pay to get into a law court,” one of them had said indignantly.
“Yes why do we?” more echoed.
“This place, shay na president abi Fashola picture you see for back? Abi you see Baba Risi wear that shigidi thing wey judges dey wear. This na one in town court, and for here, you must to sanwo, kudi, ego, Naira.”
Sikiru had come to the rescue and paid the entry fee for everyone. He was there too, to watch his guy Sagay. Sagay was that kind of guy, with friends amongst twitter overlords and street lords like Sikiru.
“Mr. Uberfacts, wetin you talk say Sagay do you o,” Baba Risi asked.
“He is a nuisance! We at Uberfacts have over 5.3Million followers on twitter in every English-speaking country of the world. And no one else gives such ridiculous responses to our tweets like this Sagay, in all the countries we have a following. At first we ignored him but he kept at it without relenting. We blocked him but he found a way around it. He would get his rambunctious friends to follow his lead. It is getting out of hand and we want to put a stop to it here and now!”
“Ah, oga Uberfacts, calm down o, why you dey shout for my court now?” Baba Risi queried.
“Statistics show that the atmosphere in 100% of Nigerian courts causes involuntary raising of one’s voice,” the Uberfacts rep responded curtly.
“Huh?” Baba Risi said, confused.
“Not Rotimi Williams of blessed memory. He no dey shout for court,” Sagay chipped in.
The Uberfacts guy looked like he was going to assault Sagay “he has just done it again! Why does he always come back with nonsense like that to hard researched facts that we tweet?”
“Shay that one wey you talk na fact? How we wan take prove am? Me sef fit create my own facts then. Abi if I talk now say 90% of women wey get big breast dey get flat yansh, I lie?” Baba Risi asked. Sagay burst into laughter, joined by his supporters. “Na true, na true,” they shouted.
“How did you come up with such a ridiculous statement? That is not a fact! Please don’t compare such nonsense mumbo jumbo with what we do at Uberfacts.” The rep responded. He undid the buttons of his jacket now as he was sweating underneath already.
“Haha! How you take know? If this my own fact no dey true, how we wan know your own? And if you talk that ridiculous again en, you go pay fine for this court now now” Baba Risi retorted, doing all he could not to laugh.
“That’s not the point, Baba Risi. The point is that Sagay should stop trolling our timeline and responding with ridi…” He caught himself on time before completing the word and swallowed it. Rosco had already moved to his side, ready to collect the fine. He sighed in relief. This Baba Risi would not best the rep of an international entity like Uberfacts. He continued “he should not come back with nonsensical responses to our tweets, attempting to make us look stupid.”
“Ngbo, Sagay, what do you say?” Baba Risi asked.
“Baba Risi kan shosho, Eegun mogaji one! Twale!” Sagay started, hailing Baba Risi and bringing a smile to his face. “I no break any law o. Dem talk their own, I talk my own. Dem talk fact, I talk humor. Their fact fit true for their country, but for Naija here, no be so, ko jo rara.”
“Oya, give me example of the things wey dem talk wey you respond to recently,” Baba Risi asked, curious.
Sagay brought out his phone and quickly went to his timeline.
“For example, Uberfacts said: Believing you have a good memory helps you have a better memory. And Sagaysagay responded: Take am write JAMB now”
Laughter erupted in the courtroom. Sagay continued “see another example here. Uberfact says: It is illegal to be reincarnated in China unless you have permission from the government. Sagay respond say: Akudaya (that’s like people that die appear to people elsewhere who do not know they have died) no dey get am for Naija o!”
“Ridicu…” The rep said and caught himself again just as he saw Rosco closing in. The court burst into laughter and the clerk had to shout “order! Order!” to calm them down.
“Ahhh, Sagay, you no well o. You been watch Baba Suwe when you dey grow abi, as he dey take respond to all those proverbs wey people dey make,” Baba Risi responded, laughing.
“Beeni Baba Risi, I watch Erinkeke well well now. Baba Suwe and Opebe,” Sagay responded, winking.
Baba Risi rarely got up from his seat while court was in session when there was no danger, but today he did.
“Oya, Sagay, make I see whether you go sabi the song.
“E sun mo bi, e rerin eye,”
Sagay immediately joined and all his supporters who looked tush forgot their tushness and joined in singing.
“E gbayi yewo, e rerin idunu
T’omode, T’agba e tun ijoko se…”
By the time they got to the last line, the whole courtroom was singing and dancing along. It was SheCrownLita that was even dancing the most.
“Erin k eke o, L’abule Baba Suwe”
They all thundered that last line together, and Baba Risi fell back into his chair laughing.
“RIDICULOUS!” the Uberfacts rep shouted. He could not hold himself back any longer.
Rosco smiled and went to his side “dem don warn you, your fine na 10k.” He put his hand into the inner pocket of the rep’s suit and extracted crisp mint bills.
“I hid that money there because I heard about the reputation of this your court for extorting money from people. How come you went straight there?” the rep asked, puzzled.
“Superhero l’omo, X-ray vision things. Money no fit hide from us,” Rosco responded, grinning.
“Ogbeni rep, you no get case. Sagay is only exercising his fundamental human rights of freedom of speech and freedom of humor. My learned colleagues, I talk am well?” Baba Risi said
The normally cerebral Ayo Sogunro shouted from behind “beeni Baba Risi, all the freedoms are correct. Even if freedom of humor no dey, we don add am today for here!”
“Correct! Na my judgment be this,” Baba Risi said and then pointed at Sagay “GO ON SOUN!”
“RIDICULOUS, JUST RIDICULOUS, SUPER RIDICULOUS,” the rep kept saying to himself.
Baba Risi smiled as he saw Rosco counting the number of times the rep was saying ridiculous. Soup don done!
Sagay’s supporters started the song as he went back to join them
“Erin keke o, l’ori timeline Sagaysagay”
@deboadejugbe wrote a piece later that day titled Baba Risi, Baba Iyabo and A Lesson In Decisiveness For Baba Otuoke. @ayosogunro’s piece was titled Baba Risi and The Freedom of Humor.