Ariyo’s Dilema

Don’t ask me how I come up with these scenarios o. Read the short story and then take the poll and say what you think in the comments area.

TL

Wedding Band

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” The pastor’s voice brought Ariyo out of his reverie. Ironically, just two years ago, the same pastor had pronounced the blessing that joined him and the woman they were returning to earth as husband and wife. When he had said “till death do us part”, he had pictured that death decades in the future, not a mere two years later. But now, she was gone, to a cruel and violent death which some minister had tagged an act of God. He wished he could strangle her.

He went through the motions and listened to all the sympathizers express their condolences and then went home. The house felt empty, the type of quietness that you can hear. He saw her in every corner, at every turn, in every single room in the house. No, he couldn’t stay in this house, he thought. He picked up his keys and called his mum. “I’m coming,” he said. He got ready to go out and as he placed my hands on the door handle, his ring clanged. Damn, everything brought back painful memories. In anger at no one in particular, he took off his ring and dumped it on the couch before leaving the house.

The moment he got to his parents’ house, his mum noticed immediately. “Ariyo, where is your wedding ring?”

“I took it off before leaving the house,” he responded.

“Ariyo, you want them to say you couldn’t wait for your wife to go cold before you started chasing girls around? To say you used her for something? Young man, go back home and get that ring! In fact, we are going together.” She marched him towards his car as confused Ariyo wondered what he had done so bad to draw his mum’s ire when he came here for comfort.

ff on twitter @tundeleye

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43 thoughts on “Ariyo’s Dilema

    • wouldnt take a poll,feels like a bad thing to do. dnt pray for anyone to go through such. but in this part of the world, no one really beats the man up if he takes it off right at the cemetary sef, man’s world bias.

    • Story. That is what you will say, especially being a man. Even women that get overtly attached emotional with all d sentiments in the world will eventually let go after some long time, though. Abegi!

  1. This is a tough one but i think to be respectful to that dead spouse wear for as long as the mourning period woukd run. But really it does not matter when you remove it sha.

  2. Don’t take it of till you’re ready to go out and start chasing women again. If for you, it takes a week, a month or a year, fine!!!! Different strokes for different folks.

  3. This is one of those questions I avoid answering. You won’t know until u get there. And I don’t pray to get there. Esp this young. Death should come wen we r old & grey

  4. Dont take it off till you are ready to start dating again. But does it matter most married men dont even wear their rings to start of with and their homes are happy and intact. it is just a piece of jewellery. it is us women who are big on ring wearing.

  5. for me a feel a year after is fine, for young pple and for someone who intends to re marry. But if the person does not plan to re marry then you can leave it forever.

  6. I wil take it off, if I ever want 2 move on, cos d 1st tin pple wil say after seeing d ring is oh ur married, it wil be more painful explaining.

  7. It all depends on how you choose to grieve! Immediately, 2 years, 10 years, forever! Some people wear their rings, while their spouses are still alive and kicking and still they cheat; shamelessly. So for me, it alll depends.

  8. i think its a thing of the mind,,,ring is just a fashion,,commitment is of the heart and mind…but i really think its all about the way we percieve and adjust to such situations

  9. Letting go is painful, to some people They want to erase the memories while others want to keep all the memories of their love ones. Some it might take dem a day or a month or even forever. It’s best for us to support, counsel and advice them. It only death that separate people so the early they move on the best for them.

  10. Taking off the ring might not necessarily mean you’ve let go of your spouse’s memory. I don’t pray to get there, but if I’m so unlucky I don’t think I’ll ever take it off because I’ll not need to remarry.

  11. one year, whether i intend to remarry or not. lets face it, some people would ‘do’ anything and anyone whether the ring is present or not.

  12. Well it depends on d individual. I know someone that wore her wedding ring on her right ring finger because she was a widow.

  13. We are supposed to be married “Till death do us part”. Keeping the ring on after his death indicate my being married to the dead, So I’ll remove it as soon as his death is accepted by ME.

    • that was my thinking exactly. till death do us part n now it has done us part. im female by the way. most men will still chase u when married n wear their rinv so pls now shes gone y wont u just get into d market. I agree though differnt strokes for different folks.
      ps.. I couldn’t take d poll

  14. You put it in the coffin and she is buried with it because the vows says till death do you part. You live a good and decent lifestyle till you feel you have mourned her enough #mythoughtsthough#

  15. Difficult question, but in my opinion, taking off the ring has nothing to do with you forgetting your spouse.

    Also no matter how long you miss her, you have to let go the past.

    Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Etisalat. Enjoy high speed mobile broadband on any of our Easyblaze plans. Visit http://www.etisalat.com.ng for details.

  16. my husband died a year and 10 months after we got married. my rings were forcefully removed and buried with him. it was so painful. i took his own band and wore it for over 6months before i stopped

  17. Not takn d poll feels like bad luck or smtn #not superstitious tho bt jus doesn’t seem right
    Aniwy der shudnt b a time frame

  18. What different does it make, d contract is still dealth do u apart as far as I’m concern once a partner dies d marriage is over whether it was yesterday or last year and I tik s idea to remove everything dat will easily remind u,even though u cannot 4get easily so 4get settliment he did d right tin

  19. A day, a week, a year or more, it does not really matter. It’s the time it takes to get over the pain that determines everything, as well as pressure from family.

  20. Ariyo is going through a long list of emotions.. He’ll probably think of re-marrying sometime, but he’s not now. He’s mum overreacted; He obviously loved the woman, I think he’ld get it on back with or without her help.
    People handle stuff differently. Taking off the ring.. that’s just the physical representation. He’s got a lot more to let go of, I think… Can’t help the poll.

  21. But wait, where did this come from. Sorry I asked. I think the decision depends on individual, no one should be judged without being heard. We don’t know, like this guy, why the person made that decision to remove the ring. I read something on facebook this morning abt some positive word and negative words having same number of letters, and the point, eventually is, either good or bad the shoe may fit same way, we just learn to figure it out or ask questions before allowing our mouth to run ahead of our brain . Some may turn out selfish, but most time not so, cos its tough facing some things in life. If u haven’t been there, then don’t sit on that high seat as the judge

  22. I cnt take d poll cos I cnt tell. I’v realised in life that we cnt predict some certain actions of ours until one is in such a situation. Ariyo neva planned removin it until he found himself in such situatn. evn then, it ws d pain he ws in dt made him remove it.

  23. The ring should be taken off when the widow/widower has finally let go of the dead partner. To me there’s no time limit really. Some people can’t bear the memories,and shouldn’t be judged. TL,u and ur weird scenarios….

  24. The marriage vows says “till death do us part”..it doesn’t really matter wen u take it off. If within a week of the spouses death, u take it off..there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it..His/her memory would linger in ur heart and not by mere wearing ur ring..

  25. For all those that are not in support of removing it immediately, may u never lose a spouse.
    Take it off immediately.
    I can’t imagine even staring at the ring afta such an event.
    Removing it doesn’t mean u love the person less. Wearing it every mornin hurts more.

    So its beta to remove it n adjust to reality of living alone.

  26. 4me its as soon as posible bcz u wud keep lukin @d ring evry second….n dat wud all make u tink abt ur spouse nt been wth u any more n dats nt a gud tot

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