Baba Risi’s Court – With or Without?

Brand New Baba Risi’s Court – Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy 😀 .


mai shai

The two cases that Baba Risi had heard today had been boring and immediately the current one was read, he knew he had another boring case in his hands. No matter how hard you were, there were some recalcitrant fellows that are just nuisances, like gadflies in your loins. Dende was one of them and he kept finding himself before Baba Risi every other week. Today, it was his landlord that had brought him. He had refused to pay his share of the NEPA on the communal meter the whole house shared, and when he was disconnected, he had reconnected himself and then dared anyone in the house to disconnect him. None of them dared – Dende was a former boxer.

Rosco and two other guys were in the process of frisking Dende for the money he owed when suddenly, a lady in nothing but shimmie and bra ran into the courtroom, hotly pursued by two stocky men. One of them was bare-chested, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. He was short and stumpy, and it looked more like he was awkwardly hopping from leg to leg than actually running. His companion was not much taller than him and even more powerfully built, square head that ended in a square chin.

The woman was shouting at the top of her voice “Baba Risi help me o, this man wan kill me, abeg help me.”

The two boys with Rosco promptly stopped the two male intruders in their tracks with hot slaps that sent them reeling backwards into some empty seats. Rosco himself held the squirming woman in his arms, enjoying the free access he had to her scantily clad body.

Baba Risi’s voice came from the back of the courtroom “Angela, na you enter like that come make me fear?”

Everyone in the room turned around in shock and an “ooooh” passed through the crowd. When did Baba Risi, who moments ago had been seated at the front behind the “order!” shouting clerk get outside and reenter all the way at the entrance. Shouts of “Baba O!” rent the air from the strategically placed boys amongst the spectators in the courtroom. Baba Risi laughed amiably, waving his hands as he went forward. The ofe he had gone to Ilisan to do had worked perfectly. Dem no dey hear gbam when ant fall nack ground, na so dem no go see Baba Risi.

“Na this man wan kill me o, Baba Risi,” Angela said, pointing to the first of her pursuers who now sat nursing their cheeks under the watchful eyes of Baba Risi’s boys.

“Ah Ah, wetin dem do you wey make you run commot like mad person like this, dey give free show of market wey men dey pay better money for?” He remembered Angela’s monkey style that had blown him away in bed not too long ago.

“No mind am o, Baba Risi. Na this man o. this one,” she pointed at the thicker of the two who was properly dressed “be my regular customer. Him name na Osas and I like am well well, because he sabi do, and he dey pay, no story.”

Laughter erupted throughout the courtroom as Angela gesticulated with her hands to mimic how Osas used to “do” her.

“En, so wetin come happen? How killing come enter inside do matter?” Baba Risi queried. A crowd had followed Angela when she was being pursued and now had gathered outside the courtroom, straining to hear what was going on. Rosco signaled two boys and they went to the door to do brisk business collecting the necessary access fees.

“Baba cool down make I finish the tory o. Today, I dey jejely, na him Osas call me say he go like book me for one of him friends. I bill am proper, since no be him direct, and as usual, he no drag price. As I think say na go come, I go, na him he introduce me to this him friend, Acho.” She pointed to the first man that entered after her and looked on him with annoyance.

“I gree, follow am enter room, and we start to do. He no gree make we on light and I no mind, I think say na because him thing small, na why he no wan make I see am.”

The courtroom once again burst into raucous laughter, and even normally stern faced Rosco couldn’t help himself. Baba Risi had returned to his seat by now, and the clerk shouted “order! Order!” After some time, the crowd became quiet and Angela continued “na so he start, we do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do” the crowd joined in saying the do by this time.

“The do don do now,” Acho shouted from his seat. “E no pass three hours and you dey make am be like say na since morning!”

“Oluwa ooooooooooooo, three hours non stop? How many alomo you drink o,” Baba Risi exclaimed, as murmurs ran through the crowd.

“Person wey don do for three hours non-stop, na normal person? Abi na money juju he wan carry me do ni? Na him I say I no do again, na him he no wan gree. Abeg, three hours of do, e never reach make him money finish ni? Na him I lie gree am do another ten minutes, he still no release. Na him me I run o. Dem begin pursue me say I must return their money, and as I never wan die or turn to money juju, I run come make you save me.”

“This one na serious matter. But make I hear wetin oga Acho, Nackson of this area go talk, abi, people?” Baba Risi asked and the people responded with an overwhelming yes.

“No mind this woman o, the normal thing na say when you pay, until you release, your money never finish. Why she wan cheat me now? Abi she never collect money ni? Make she come go finish her work abeg. Baba Risi, abeg handle this matter without partial o,” Acho said. The meaning of the last sentence was not lost on Baba Risi.

“I don hear you Acho, but you sef use your church mind think am naaa. Three hours of do don reach you now!”

“Baba Risi, I no gree,” he said, shaking his head adamantly. “Na one of two, make she return my money, abi make we do until I release. Na the contract be that.”

“Na your sister you go do again, no be me lailai” Angela said angrily.

“Na you be that?” Musa, the mai shai, the bread and tea seller in the area asked suddenly from the crowd?

“Na you who? Musa wetin you dey talk?” Rosco asked menacingly.

“Oga make you coolu temper. I just dey come, na him dem tell me wetin happen. No mind this Acho o, na kill he wan kill the girl,” Musa said.

“Wetin you sabi wey he never talk, Musa,” Baba Risi asked, looking at Acho with meaning. Shebi he was being indignant. He sensed what Musa was going to say would break this case without making him look unfair.

“Musa, dem call you for this matter?” Acho growled.

“Sharrap Acho!” Baba Risi said sharply and Acho cowered. “Oya, Musa, you be witness for this case. Talk wetin you sabi.”

“Thank you Baba Risi. See this Acho, he come my place for morning say he wan buy bread and tea. He come with this him friend. I been ask am, shay you want your tea with or without? Him friend ask say with wetin o, and as all my town people wey dey there laugh, he get the message, go buy coke. But this Acho, he say he wan test wetin dey make us laugh, say make I give am him tea with. So I give am like that. He drink him tea, chop him bread, I collect my money and he waka commot. Na him he come back thirty minutes later, him abuna don hard sotey e dey pain am. I tell am say he no dey expect am? The with wey we put for the tea na quick action, better original burantashi o. The thing no go go down if he no nack woman, and that woman go hear am. And as e dey tey reach before he see woman to do, na so e go tey for am to release when dem dey do.”

Chineke me! Na wetin you dey carry me do be that?” Angela flew at Acho and grabbed him by the boxers.

The boys guarding him quickly held her back.

Baba Risi asked the two men “Na lie Musa dey talk?” They both couldn’t answer, they merely looked down at their feet like children caught doing something wrong.

Baba Risi grinned like a tiger. “Acho, the Burantashi Nackson, so you wan knowingly kill Angela with your blocus abi? Shay if you no sabi with wetin when them ask with or without, you no fit ask, abi make you do like your sensible friend, take coke? Na my judgment for this matter be this – as you do three hours, you go pay full fee for one round for every thirty minutes wey you do. And make we fit celebrate well well, you go buy bread and tea, without, from Musa for everybody wey dey here.”

Musa beamed from ear to ear as the whole court room cheered Baba Risi.


25 thoughts on “Baba Risi’s Court – With or Without?

  1. *Rotf-heading to musa’s mai shay joint*
    TL you killed it man. Just great, great writting. The great work of burantashi shall continually be know to all.
    Nice one.

  2. Baba risi of life,baba risi toh gbayi,baba risi toh me jo daa..baba wande will fit into dis role perfectly..

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