Baba Risi’s Court – Teasha Okoh

We put up a deal for purchasing Golden Sands  at a discount on Lushdeals this evening and immediately two copies were snapped up. Na discount una dey wait for? Anyway, if you’ve enjoyed free fiction on this blog and you never buy my book, you better buy it here now without fail here They’ll deliver to your doorstep for a token. The discount is available only for 2weeks. Snoop around the Lushdeals site, they have fantastic discount deals. Alright, so enjoy the rambunctious Baba Risi.

Baba Risi 2

The Aljazeera thing, as well as Baba Risi’s immunity to the gangster’s bullet had made the court even more popular, such that these days, it was full even for the smallest of cases. The entrance fee had gone up to N150 for sitting and N100 for standing and Rosco was not smiling as he collected his money.

The case today was between the teacher at the local secondary school called Bros Okoh and the mum of one of his students. Okoh was a yellow, squat man who had biceps that rivaled those of Rosco, and a Hitler moustache. He was the sports master in the school and well known as the punisher of the school. He was even more feared by the students than the principal or his vice – the fear of his cane was the beginning of wisdom amongst the students.

Mama Collins had brought the complaint earlier and Baba Risi was going to dismiss the case until he saw the boy. Even when his boys dealt with someone, the scars were nowhere near kind of patterns on the boy’s back. He had immediately convened court and the word had gone through the school and neighborhood. The court was packed full of teachers, students and parents who had all had kids flogged ruthlessly by Bros in the past, but had not done anything out of fear of their child being asked to leave the school.

“Bros, na you flog this pikin, Collins like this?” Baba Risi asked, masking how vexed he was at the man who still carried himself like a teacher before his students in his courtroom.

“I am a strict disciplinarian, and I believe that sparing the rod spoils the child. We don’t want our children to grow up into unruly touts, hence I am the iron hand that makes sure they don’t. so, to answer your question, yes, I flogged the sense into that unruly student this morning.”

“Which foolish sense? You wan kill pikin for me, you say you dey discipline am. Even Cele people, when dem wan flog winch commot for person body no go flog am like that!” Mama Collin shouted.

“Woman, will you shut your uneducated mouth!” Bros thundered. “It is when parents like you refuse to do their jobs that leave the hard task of using our iron hand to bend them back onto the right path, so they will not end up as garage touts.”

Rosco seethed where he was. It would seem this foolish teacher had forgotten that he was in a court of those very garage touts he had been disparaging since he first opened his mouth. He made up his mind to teach the man a lesson.

“So, wetin this pikin do wey make you beat am like this?”

“The rule in the school is that students should not bring any mobile phone in. this unruly student, who must have stolen a mobile phone, brought one in. And then went ahead to watch television, IN THE SCHOOL PREMISES on the phone. What umbrum! What rascality!  

“So na because he bring phone come school, na him you beat am like that?” Baba Risi asked. Then he turned to Mama Collins and commanded “bring the boy, make you off him shirt make people see”

A smallish boy of about thirteen came forward gingerly, fear written all over his eyes as he passed his teacher. Bros enjoyed the fear he inspired in the kids. As the boy passed, he growled at him and the boy jumped. He laughed, a hearty laugh, looking around, expecting others to join him in laughter as people in the staff room did when he did such. But here, he was met with solid stolid gazes.

“What is tickling your fancy, oga teasha?” Baba Risi asked and general laughter broke out in the court, drowning Bros’ attempts at responding. The teacher kept quiet after this. Here, in this court, the teacher had to know that it was he, Baba Risi that was his lordship.

When Mama Collins removed the boy’s shirt, Baba Risi beckoned to Rosco “take the boy round court, make everybody see this teasha discipline for ordinary bringing phone come school.”

As Rosco obeyed, various oohs and aahs came from the crowd as they saw the cane scars on his back.

Baba Risi asked the people “this one good so?”

The overwhelming shout of “NO!” startled Bros Okoh. He had thought that his methods were popular with parents who brought their wards to him with lavish gifts so he could be their “guardian” and teachers who brought their errant students to him for punishing.

He turned and faced the crowd, a threatening scowl on his face, trying to muster the fear he normally inspired “What? Who said that!” the whole courtroom was silent, and he smiled a contented smile.

In the time he had turned to face the crowd, Rosco had quietly conferred with Baba Risi who at first was frowning, then broke into a smile. His smile met the teacher’s conceited smile when the latter turned back to him.

e gbo, oga teasha, where the phone wey you seize from the boy?”

Bros reached into his pocket as he responded “interestingly, the phone is right…” he paused mid sentence as his hand hit empty space in the pocket. He began to search frenetically for the phone all over his body, patting himself down, saying “but I had it! I had it!”

“Mr. teasha,” Rosco said jeeringly, “we are waiting o. Abi, if you seize phone from student, no be to give him parents back?”

“Oh shatap, you rascal!” Bros responded in anger. He wished he could cane the imp who dared to jeer at him senseless.

“Teasha, what are you looking for? You are looking for what should not be missing? Ai gbo ifa la nwo oke, ifa kan o si ni para (it is when we cannot understand what ifa is saying that we look up, ifa does not speak from the ceiling)” Baba Risi said.

“Calm down Mr.” Bros shouted.

Baba Risi got up suddenly and leaned menacingly towards Bros “you no get respect. Shay na me be Mr? You get two minutes to produce that phone now, otherwise fire go answer for your ear!”

For the first time, Bros was really afraid.

“You don sell the phone abi? Na so you dey collect phone from children under discipline, dey sell am.” Baba Risi said and then burst into a guttural rendition of Fela’s International Thief Thief, with the crowd forming the backup singers.

Bros Okoh was speechless. He just kept searching for the phone.

Baba Risi then sat down and the clerk shouted “order! Order!” and the court went quiet.

“Na my judgment be this. First, this teasha don show say he no get sense of balance with him discipline. Mr. oga, from now, you no fit beat any student again. Even if you wan punish student, you must carry am go meet another teasha to punish for you. If we hear say you flog anybody, my tout boys wey you been dey yab since morning go show you say khaki no be leather, teasha cane no be like agbero iron rod. Second, I know say you done sell the phone…”

“Haba, oga judge, I no sell am now,” Bros quickly said, guessing what was coming next. His meager salary couldn’t take such a hit. Immediately, four of Baba Risi’s boys surrounded him

“Teasha, so you sabi speak pidgin, na him you dey blow all that your oyinbo since.” The whole court burst into laughter at this and when it died down, Baba Risi continued “since you no get respect and you interrupt judge when he dey deliver judgment, you go pay fine of Two Thousand Naira to this court. The final judgment na say you must refund the phone money to Mama Collins and pay for this boy treatment! Matter don end.” Baba Risi rose, and began the popular Fela song

“Who steal the phone o,” and the people responded “TEASHA!”

“The precious phone o” and the response came “TEASHA”

The thugs muscled the teacher towards the school, and the whole crowd followed him, chanting the song Baba Risi had raised after him.

When they had all left, Rosco went and returned the phone he had picked from Bros Okoh’s pocket when he had gone forward to lead Collins round earlier to a grateful Mama Collins. “Shebi na me be foolish tout,” he said to himself as he went back to his oga, laughing.


14 thoughts on “Baba Risi’s Court – Teasha Okoh

  1. Yes 1st 2 comment *dancing* TL ur a comedian loved it esp d part of ”who steal the phone o, Teasha”, u’ve made my day.

  2. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    |/ |
    | =))
    | / |\
    | 
    ___|___ laff don hang me 4here o°˚˚˚

  3. hahahahaha… my best part “Teasha, so you sabi speak pidgin, na him you dey blow all that your oyinbo since.” #when danger di come, talk di change LOL

  4. who steal the phone o: Teasha, the precious phone o: Teasha, He sell am for market: Teasha, for N100: Teasha. Him go wound o: Teasha, Rosco go wound am: Teasha!

    ROTL!! Lovely one TL

  5. abeg make ona discribe were dat baba Rossi court dey 4 mi? cus, I wan take all dis 9ja political dirty pipo and 9ja rullers go dere. Oga writer u tried.

  6. abeg make ona discribe were dat baba Rossi court dey 4 mi? cus, I wan take all dis 9ja political dirty heart and 9ja rullers theif go dere. Oga writer u tried.

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