Finding Hubby – Episode 19

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We watched as Toke struggled with telling us who Olumide was and my fears about him instantly skyrocketed. I hoped Toke wasn’t pregnant for some married man. The most intelligent ladies do the silliest things at times, when you least expect it.

“I met Olumide about a month ago. Very nice guy.” She took her phone from me and retrieved a picture from her memory card and showed him to us. The guy in the picture was on the chubby side, but chubby in a good looking Cedric the Entertainer kinda way. He was wearing a grey suit that looked good on him, and he seemed to carry himself well even in the picture. “This is a correct looking guy now”, Gloria said. “Exactly,” I joined in. “So why the hide and seek?” “You guys should wait and let me give you the background now, before I get to that point. At least you will be more lenient when crucifying me if you hear it all.” We nodded okay and she continued,

“I met him in company of another male friend, and I just enjoyed his wit and charm. He’s a lawyer, and he’s very intelligent. Very very. You know me, I’m a sucker for intelligent guys. And his imagination was just as active as mine. At some point, even my friend couldn’t keep up with us as we sparred with all sorts of puns. It was beautiful.”

I can imagine. Toke looked like she was having an orgasm just internally reliving the conversation. She always (I mean always) gauges a man by his ability to keep up with her, especially in conversation and talking in imagery. No attraction can happen if the guy cannot, and even if there was some initial attraction, if he cannot keep up, the attraction dies a natural death. She always said that if a guy cannot get jokes she cracks, he simply cannot get the rest of her. So I know the kind of heaven she must have been in when she met a guy who could keep up with her. It seemed he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her. She rarely found such men.

She continued “we hooked up a couple of times, and he just has the most beautiful amazing mind ever. You will notice I’ve been happier and more motivated lately”. Very true, she’s had great energy level recently (as attested to by events of earlier in the day). I was beginning to get impatient because I knew she had not gotten to the gist of the matter. But I borrowed myself brain, make I no rush the girl. She was obviously having a hard time coming out straight with it, so I didn’t want to make it harder.

“He didn’t even need to formally ask me out. We just started dating, and I feel in my bones he is the one for me. I met his family and they are such wonderful people. He doesn’t make as much money as I do, but I don’t mind at all. He’s hardworking, makes his own money, and takes care of me in spite of not making up to me. Lord, I love him.” She held her head in both hands now.

Wow! The big love word. This was more serious than I thought. Toke was in love. For real. She was despairing seriously now, so I had to nudge her “All this sounds wonderful, but I’m sure
there’s something you haven’t told us”.

She raised her head and looked me squarely through eyes that were red from tears she was struggling to hold back “He’s 27.”

I nearly fell off my chair. The words “cradle snatching” jumped out of my mouth before I could catch myself. Gloria repeated, “27!” She was a clean eight years older than him.

“Yes he is, but he’s so mature. First, I met him through a friend who is older than me and they talked as colleagues and friends. I didn’t realize that men are not like us; they can relate with someone way their junior as friends on the same level. So I assumed he was at least my age on that first meeting. And it was so perfect with him I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t until I had to get his driver’s license about two weeks into the relationship that I discovered. Then I confronted him with the fact, and he told me he didn’t have any issues with it, that he loves me and wants to make me his wife. He has never dated any woman younger than him, so he’s used to it already. And in all honesty, if you remove the age ish, he is all I want in a man.”

“Toke,” I said, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement “he’s not even as old as Dayo, and if I recall, Dayo isn’t your immediate younger brother. There’s still Salewa between you guys. It just doesn’t seem right. Too many things can go wrong. How would you handle if Salewa or Dayo was rude to him? They are older you know? And then add another ten years to your ages, he’s 37 and still youthful and you are 45 and nearing menopause. A lot of times, these young guys will leave you at that time when you need them the most and go for a girl that is young enough to be your daughter (yes, a 45 year old can sha give birth to a 25 year old). What will you do then?”

Toke’s eyes blazed as she shouted at me “I know! Do you think I haven’t thought of all that? I wish I could just turn myself off and let him go. But it’s not that easy!”

I quickly hugged her “Sorry dear, I’m real sorry”.

Somehow I felt like life was playing a cruel tease game with us. It brought me a man who was my all I ever dreamt about but he turned out to be gay. It delivered Gloria to a man who turned her into his punching bag and cruelly killed their child. And now it had sucker punched Toke by delivering her the man of her dreams, with this big comma over him. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone always has to make some sort of compromise to get married, because it seems that is going to be the case here. Really, I want your thoughts on this in today’s comments. Is it absolutely necessary?

Back to Toke’s issue. She was near tears now. “I tell myself I should be proud of my man, and he’s been asking to meet my friends for like two weeks now, but I’ve given one excuse or the other. He’s too sharp not to see my excuses for what they really are, but I guess he is humoring me. But I really don’t know how long his patience will last. I want to be proud of my man in every way, but I cannot truly tell myself that even I am not struggling with this right now. My fear is that I’ll do something because of these struggles that will sabotage the relationship, and then I’ll then say it’s because of the age difference that it crashed when in reality, it’s my actions that caused the crash.”

My impulse is to tell Toke to end it and count it as a loss, but knowing how choosy she is, and how long it has taken her to find this, and then the fact that the guy is seriously considering marrying her, I really do not know what to say.

I looked at her and said “Toke, this is what we will do…”

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185 thoughts on “Finding Hubby – Episode 19

  1. Damn Tunde, you just wrote about me. I am an “Olumide”. I always date older ladies and they are always aware of my age. I’m of the philosophy “the older the berry, the sweeter the juice”. Gosh, this is a mirror at my life.

    • Sweeter wat berry? So can u marry someone who is 8yrs older. Dis one no be dating issue. Wat if the guy eventually decides to marry Toke? Dat one no dey at all.

    • Awwwww you’ll b fine!lol,don’t see anythin der sha!1ce both parties are ready2face the consequences bcos der will be a lot!

    • Laru i caught U̶̲̥̅̊! I know ur secret now*tongue out* shebi U̶̲̥̅̊ n Theodore used T̶̲̥̅Ơ̴͡ call ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ hercules in lag then….i will share ur lil secret with all  folks who know U̶̲̥̅̊. How hv U̶̲̥̅̊ been dear. §Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ good seeing U̶̲̥̅̊ here.

    • Ok, but can u marry An older lady? Most boys do d dating older chick for fun or as a challenge but usually stop it when they mature a bit. There is a world of difference.

  2. Hmmmm! Finally,the. Age thing shows up. For me I don’t really think it matters. But in actual fact one needs to tread carefully here. If both parties love each other dearly and are ready to damn the consequences the they should go ahead with their lives together

  3. This cannot b all!!! I’m sure the concludin part of dis episode is yet to come cuz dis is way too short! Tunde pls dnt take long befor doin so! Ensure dat d concludin part is der befor 12noon pls since its midnyt, thereby givn u enuf time to write d concludin part of dis episode!

  4. There’s always a compromise..noone is perfect you know..its better when the pros are more than the cons though…good piece

  5. Toke marry him and let his age just be known to u and ur friends keep it as a secret and overlook it!!!! Marry him tho its hard buh den consider ur age

    • Hmmm the moment it is known to her friends I strongly believe it is known to the world . Believe that ! Toke , I think it is ur body that is willing this time not ur mind . Still ponder about it and u will definately see it cannot work . If you guys are on friends with benefits level o 😉 It is still okay but marriage ??? Haaa mba! The other female part of u will still come out one day . As u said you earn more than him again . I don’t see this working . And have Thot about the mother in law part when she finds out and I believe u must have heard the way some mother in law is with their Son and older women . If only U can google it if u ve not heard . Pls let go soon cuz might be very hurtful later on .

      • Hey Toke, I authoritatively tell u “Maturity” is not in age, so not at all. I have a very dear male friend whose mum is 5years older than his dad and until he mentioned it during a conversation, no one knew nor suspected. (We crashed during undergrad days in their staff quarters as mum is a lecturer) As a matter of fact, he doesn’t mind marrying an older lady. His age being known to your friends, family or the world as it seems, is no crime. However, once ure not proud of someone or an action, then managing crises which are given will be very difficult as the r/ship progresses and possible leads to marriage.

        @ Fola: Ur remark ‘ Haaa mba! The other female part of u will still come out one day’ is shortsighted and egoistic. generalizing every woman from an inconsequential number of cases is obviously myopic.
        It is more frequent to find 8 out of 10 men walk out on their wives or take another wife once they hit some change in their purse.

  6. Well I would say She should ravel in the moment and see how far it goes, not that I would do the same when the talk is seriously bout marriage I like my men older like 9-15yrs older but as an exception I can date a younger guy just to hv memories to think back to but I cut them loose once they start getting attached. As for toke she should feed the her appetite experience has thot me that when a young guy says he’s in love chances are he really is.

  7. As for compromising I think we all do at some point but I kinda learnt that in doing so you shouldn’t go too far below ur class n standard.

  8. Hmmmm! TL seriously I wouldn’t like to use d word compromise maybe”Tolerance” would be more apprioprate.. Let’s just say no one can have it all! Just as no human is perfect.. There will always be a “but” for every human n dat “but” makes u ur own unique person, same goes for every relationship…. Now to compromise what u don’t want will be a huge mistake…but to develop a level of tolerance for ones partner is possible! Toke found all she hopes for in a man in Olumide who comes in a younger age bracket..she needs to search her level of tolerance n see if it accommodates Olumide by weighing his other good qualities making sure his “but” do not out weight his good qualities..then she can develop a level of tolerance for his so called age bracket “But”. If on d other hand a partner’s “But” out weighs his/her other good qualities..it will be very difficult to tolerate such partner n if u now forcefully carry on with such relationship it becomes a compromise n might be heading for doom!

  9. “Age aint nothing but numbers” I feel Toke should just keep d age issue 2 herself & her two friends, she should leave her family out of it, she should continue wit her relationship & let’s see how it goes.

  10. Tooo short! Wow…pple always hv to compromise that’s why they are in luv. I’m really into the age diff issh but I’m sure I think lyk dat cos I’m not 36. I feel for Toke….hopefully she does the right thing

  11. Hmmm, yet another isssssh…….. Toke wld have to be really really strong to marry Olumide…. And trust me for anyone to settle down u have to be willing to do some trade offs….. In this case, I’ll ask Toke to take a chance…..

  12. I think a ‘pros’ n ‘cons’ list shud b done. If d pros weigh more dan d cons den Toke shud go ahead and marry him. But shud leave d telling of d age matter to family much later

  13. I prsonaly dn’t lyk d idea of d8ing sm1 younger dan I’m, even my agemate is an ish! Bt I dn’t judge ladies hu d8 younger men, in dis case cos she’s a female is 8 yrs nt too much difference? Dis is Nigeria ooo!

  14. Big lie Tunde…. You have to post the rest tomorrow o. See as e short like poor man’s cigarette. This one na Ojoro

  15. Really its a tough one, but u see, true love conquers all. When a woman REALLY loves, as in love, a love not motivated by d situation circumstance or condition, a love inborne, and both couple are genuine about it, tolerance will not be far fetched. And that is where compromise comes in. You would be willing to,because no matter how good a thing is, it cannot be a 100% okay.

    So we must compromise in some way to have a happy life. As for the age difference, *deep sighs*, its a very common occurence nowadays. Both my elder sister’s are older than their hubby tho some as much as 8yrs, but u will never know if u r told. Its a matter of how both of them handles it. Toke should never take her siblings being rude to olumide. Most times its how the issue is being handle that cause a crisis not d age issue.

    Nice one TL

  16. Big Ojoro. TL good work, but post the rest o. Post the rest latest tomorrow. We know sey u split the thing for today and tomorrow as per holls, no forget post the rest

  17. Tough one……..d guy sounds too smooth for my liking tho…….u know d saying..if its too good to be true den it probably is………he could be a gold digger sef…….hmmm…..some crazy twist wud definitely come outta dis …..

    • He is a lawyer na, can’t naturally b a gold digger. Remember also he has a high iQ so 4 an intelligent lawyer, a womans money would b out of it. For d smooth yeah I am kinda skeptical buh dnt 4get there is an attraction already. Might av been wallowing amongst dull galz n just gets a bright one on a platter of gold. He’d definitely be fast about it. I say dis cos I luv intelligent guyz n I must say wen I get one cos its usually hard 2 find, I could be d complete fool.

  18. Mehn… Life does have a way of screwing us all. My advise would be, Toke should do whatever makes her happy, but take note, there are situations whereby ones source of joy today, could be a source of sorrow 2mow.. The age thing is like walking on a mine field just to get married, u can either “cross over” successfully or lose a limb or life. Tread carefully so you don’t lose something worse..

  19. Wish we all can get use to the fact that this is a monday-monday publication n get over dat ish. Nice 1 TL. I really cannot date a guy tgat much younger for sooooooooo many reasons bt I donnot judge those dat can. Chin up Toke, if u are personally okay wif it, go on gurl. Heheheheeehe, u r a couger thou

  20. Wait a minute…….tot dis tin was published on Mondays……..d date is 4 sunday……..can someone pliz explain dat……………

  21. I really feel 4 Toke who seems so happy abt dis guy cept 4 d age tin but its all abt her,if she’s gud wt d whole,no P but if she has an ego tin,it cld jusy snowball in her face later,me tinks she really nids 2 tink abt her personality wld handle it

  22. Honestly there is no marriage that is absolutely perfect… Andd we seee quotes & funny pix everywhere about growing old or skeletons waiting for the perfect Man. Besides I don’t thnk God designed marriage to be without sacrifice & if age is the only issue here andd its difficult for Toke to decide weda or not to marry him despite all life has thrown to her, then she doesn’t luv him.
    Luv is sacrifice….SIMPLE!!!
    Annd oppotunities only come but once, thinking too much about it can lead to loss of a life-time of happiness. Let’s learn to focus ond things that really matter & would make a marriage last a life time.

  23. This aint fair!!!! Too short!!!
    Compromise? Errrr…..maybe… But it takes 2 to tango. This ish about marriage sha…. Some people think they are sent to this world 2 marry…..

  24. ‎​ℓ̊ can’t wait o. Oyin abeg age is jst a numba o,after all the guy’s intelligent n acts maturedly. Make una bohne d age ish o

  25. Hmmm..very interesting but complicated. About d marriage thing,no 1 is perfect sumtyms u hv to look beyond their imperfection but at d same time while some compromise can b made,some just can’t be made. At d end,it really depends on ur person.

  26. Personally, I see nothing wrong with the age thing. Yes, it’s a bit weird, but it’ll wear off after a while. As long as the two of them have an understanding… Omo, grab true love in any package it appears o!

  27. Age Ȋ̝̊̅ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇ a number, mature Ȋ̝̊̅ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇ of the mind. If your younger siblings respect you well enough, it’s the same respect they would and should attribute to your spouse irrespctive of the age. I have an immediate elder brother 14 years older and he married a girl just 4 years older than me. I call her aunty cause it’s the volume of respect I give my brother and they both know normally na name I suppose call am. So don’t seee why you can’t marry him

  28. Personally,I can’t marry sum1 1 dae younger dan me,buh I don’t ave an ish wv d idea,its jst smfn I won’t do coz I know maself,d respect and all will vanish. Buh if she likes him enuf to and she isn’t considering d fact dat she is old and he is ready to get married den God be wv her,buh Oyin has α point tho.

  29. Well, I hav an aunt that got married at 39 to a man 11yrs younger than her. This was in 2001. They hav a son and are still happily married…love is blind, and unconditional. Nice one, tunde

  30. Mmmmmmm!! From the look of things, this dude strikes me as a Jigolo!! Preying on the vulnerability of elderly gals who for want of life partner due to their ever increasing age bordering to menopause become vulnerable and let their guards down. Now, listen to this, when she confronted him, he shrugged it off and said ” age aint noting but number, besides, am used to this” that means, dating older gals aint big deal to him cos its his past hobby; the gals will take care of him and all that, remember she said “althouhg he his pay is less than hers and he hasn’t met all her obligations blah, blah, yet they connect intectually” pls spare me gal and put ur life in order. The age diff is way too much, keep him as friend which aint bad too.

  31. Looooooolz tunde! Wat a horrible drawing to depict today’s episode! Lwkmh!!! Buh seriously d age diff is too much abeg! She myt jst be a mummy to him unkowningly nd den probs will start o! Men nd der ego’s ha! Abeg she should flee o! Lumi is her own test/temptation! She shouldn’t worry her man is closer than she tinks!

  32. LMAO!!! So guys also read dis blog??? Anyways, I think wat Oyin and Gloria said is true, he might cheat on her sumday wit sum sweet 16 lady wen Toke’s boobs are sagging and she her face wrinkled, or even before then sef. I don’t think she should marry him, coz she aint even proud of him in the 1st place.

  33. 2 things!!!! First of all ‎u can’t eat ur cake and still have it, there just had to be a hitch wit the all perfect guy nau!! And if age is dat hitch! Its really not a big deal my dear! Trust me once ‎u learn to acknoledge dat he’s the man in ur life, every oda thin(submission) will fall in place!!

    Secondly ‎u have to to remember that marriuage is a thin of a lifetime, and ur goin †Φ grow old wit this guy! ‎u’l need to put in a whole lot of effort to catch up o!!! Don’t forget dat we ladies age really fast due to diff factors like child bearing and so on! So weigh the whole thin sha and make a decision ‎u’l be happy with

    • Exactly!! Women age faster than men! And I know that the bible says beauty fades but should u fade before ur man so fast. Hit menopause when d guy is just starting to have d time of his life!! Pple r shouting love, love love. Why did ashton kutcher n demi moore break up now? Altho pple keep saying age is just a number but hmmn odikwa risky in dis case.

  34. Ah…TL dis is 2 short na!! *crying*…….buh seriously thO….Oyin has A̶̲̥̅ pOint ooooo, it really feels as tho one has 2 make A̶̲̥̅ comprOmise all the tym….married gurls here…pls is dat de way foward?

  35. ah well… its two ways really… and just like every decision in life, there’s the plus and the minus.

    personally, i don’t see the big deal about age. i think its a ‘bigger’ deal back home.
    over here, i see women date younger guys and go ahead to marry them…

    also its not like the ‘older’ woman would go about telling the whole world her man is younger… i dont see anything need telling your siblings your husband (boyfriend)’s age. i dont do that at all. absolutely not necessary. its more about whether the guy has a mature mindset… the guy could be 40 and still be a ‘mummy’s boy’ and could be 25 and be as mature as anything…

    we place too much importance on less relevant thingys and forget the important ones like: how does he make me feel? am i happy with him? does he treat me right? etc

    and as per the comment that he’ll cheat with younger girlz…that one no be point at all, because even ‘older men’ cheat on their wives with these peperempe school gurls… so old or young oh! man na man :o)

  36. Tunde, do u know I don’t read novels but u practically made me look forward to read next episode. U gat me u know. Kudos

  37. Wat a blow! Oyin is right, the age thing myt not be a problem now but wat apins in d next year to come will sure be. Marriage is a lot of comprise for almost everyone innit but dis is too much of a comprise abeg. Tunde kip d great work going

  38. Age when it comes to things like this is but a number! U think d guy does nt have his fears? Both of them have to check themselves and be sure they r ready for the ride,Toke hs to be sure she will nt become bossy coz she feels she is older,and d guy hs to make sure he never feels she is too old,all off this can be covered by love,not attraction,they shud tk their time to fall truly in love,der is nothing like love @ first sight,its attraction and many atimes we mistake it! And abt d compromise thingy! Yes love n marriage comes with a lot of it.

  39. Of course marriage is about compromise jst like evritin in dis life….toke tho,dis is nt right…..buh if u cn live wit the consequences(which might turn out to b rili bad) den marry him,n if ul do dat “pls” kip d age matter to urself….I’m so sad….oyin n ha frnds deserve beta dan dis,wat cn I say tho…its life….tunde leye srzli make it longer,hw is sm1 supsd to gt thru d wik wit so little???

  40. Life is just not fair!…… She shld just follow her heart but I don’t think I can date some of the same age with me not to talk of ‘younger’ than me…… Complicated shii!

  41. (۳º̩̩́_º̩̩̀)۳ why Toke??!!!! *sigh* This age issue is a big deal, cos like Oyin rightly pointed out, it has a big “coma” . Even though she loves him, most times, Love is just not enough.

  42. There is a difference between a ‘good writer’ and an ‘intelligent writer’……Tunde u write intelligently! ‘Tuale sir’ (u’ve got to pardon my razzness o)

  43. That Lummy guy is too good to be true! I feel he’s used to stuffs like this, cos he said he’s been dating older women. He’ll just lead them on, empty their accounts and dissappear. This marriage ish is no small thing oo! Abeg, she should wait! 8years is too much….Olumide is a smooth operator, Toke pls close his chapter sharply! No time for long thing.

  44. Hummmmmm, toke dis is serious, nw dat u ve finially fallen in love, well deyy say age is just a number. But I tinfk its all depend on u, d decision is urs 2 make.

  45. Hmm wao wasn’t expecting this but to be honest with you I don’t see anything wrong with toke marrying olumide though the age difference is a lot but with love and understanding age is nothing. Toke just need to be on top of everything by taking care of herself to always look youthful and not turn old n shabby to quickly.

  46. In my opinion, she’s stuck btw a rock and a hard place. At 37, how old would her ideal husband be? 38-40???? In that case He will come with his own baggage, and probably lots of it…how many GOOD, SINGLE 40 year old men are out there without children, first wife, baby mama…hmmm its a hard one.
    Also, what is the guarantee that the 40 yr won’t cheat with someone younger just like the 27 yr old would…she’s 37 and thats her cross she has to carry it and make a decision..but i feel given a lil more time she’ll soon find out if Olumide is genuine or not…Time always tells if she keeps her eyes and ears open…That’s my 2 kobo.

  47. Folks are saying they don’t see anything in it…I think we’r not being totally honest. Let’s really think joh… 8 years!??? And worse,she’s got younger ones older than him… :X iono oooh…let’s sha wait for love doc Oyin and wot she has to say…

  48. Really can’t advise Toke on this one o! We are humans! There will always come a time when you’d remember you’re older than him. Things may obviously be great now but times will arise when you’ll get on each others nerves. Τ̣̣ђёn τ̣̣ђё utternances made in anger would help you see clearly and probaby give you a concrete conclusion,whether or not there would be a happy ending between you two. It sounds cool when its not you in Toke’s shoes but putting yourself there,you’d realize that “age” isn’t just a number! Dating isn’t same thing as marriage! A lot of factors come into play! What can’t be corrected now can never be when married!

  49. Hmmmmmm very pathetic. So sorry 4 dis aunties oo but one guy can’t have all dey want. Dats wat dey fail to realise but dis age gap is sometin else here in nigeria but if dey can cope n dnt see it as a barrier den dey should proceed. Its d person dat u tell dat will knw na.

  50. Seriosly i dnt tink Toke shld go on ahead wiv marryin Lumy, cos from a personal xperience, it’l definitely backfire. Situations wuld arise ђε̲̣̣̣̥яε̲̣̣̣̥ actions done by her subconciously wuld make Lumy tink ‘is it cos she’s older dan ♍ƺ’ α̲̅πϑ vice versa. I fink dis is ђε̲̣̣̣̥яε̲̣̣̣̥ she shld put reason first b4 her heart α̲̅πϑ Ϟö† fall ‘stupidly’ 4 dis. 15yrs frm now, does she feel Lumy’s fire wuld keep igniting?

  51. Sooner or later, courting or wedded, Olumide will realise he’s been playing with an “aunty”. *smiles* hehehehehehehehehe

  52. Toke babes, I know you’re not real but in case you’ve got fans in this same situation, abeg my bubbly sister, excuse the guy. I know of a marriage broken over the fact that the girl couldn’t just have enough regards for her husband for she’s 3years older. They dated for 4 years before marriage and it didn’t still survive. All situations are not the same o but it will still seep-in in a marriage of this nature. Naturally, women are way older at heart than men, so babe you take about 13 years senior this guy o. When he frolics with friends and girls, where will your mind be? Give your self brain! As of today, love dey do you gis-gis abi? I can assure you 200% that marriage is a different all game. Forget maturity. I made that choice too. Only that the guy and I are age mates and alas I love men both mature at heart and in age. Nah dem fit handle me

    • Chai! And I just advised her to try a long courtship! This is not love Joor! Infatuation would be more apt. Who falls in love in one month? Biko kwanu!

  53. Sooner or later, courting or wedded, when love thins at it usually does, Olumide will act…. Hehehehehehehehhe… Yes. He will act!

  54. Anoda nice follow up TL, in reponse to what u asked bt earlier, d truth is some people get lucky really lucky, wc takes a lot of grace & divine favour from God. While others have to go tru some ups, downs, even comprise a lot 2 get dre. But as long as ur compromise wld not take away ur happiness its good enof. Ur happiness is everytn, no1 shld compromise dier happiness. U can compromise so many other things & still b so happy 4 d rest of life & at peace wit ursef. @toks gurl make ur mind clear, if ds guy cld make u really really happy, wats up wit d age, its jst a digit & moreova he does look his, age from ur description #chubby like cedric the entertainer#. Toke mught just be d breakthrough her friends needs. Ds episode was short sha.
    (:*(:thanks TL mmmmuuuuaaaahhhh#

  55. Ooooohhhh!!! Finally, I have joined d group of waiters. These 3 musketeers just can’t catch a break! All the best to Toke o. I wonder what the advice will be…
    I am addicted to this ‘Finding Hubby’ series and your captivating way of writing, Tunde. One week. Ah!

  56. Toks baby, pls leave d guy o your man is on the way and don’t be surprised he’ll be Dayo’s school son when he was in secondary school.

  57. Ain’t easy tho buh it does rili depend on bth parties,and by seeking God’s face 2 knw if dey belong 2 each oda!

  58. Oooooooooohhhhhhh!!! What are they going to do, this suspense is killing. Pls pls pls let’s have d update

  59. Toke is 37, a man older would be over 40. I wonder how many men out there wuld b willing to go for her and cheating aint a thing to be ruled out on the part of the older men. So, in the end there is high probability dat she is gonna end up with a younger man.
    It depends on both of them to make things work. Its an individual thing. I’m a perfect example; ladies around me are older.

  60. HaaaA!!!!! This is cougar runs but age is nothing but numbers. If Toke can be humbled enough to have Olumide as her head, then she shoukd go ahead jo. But she go try ooo maybe she should consult Demi Moore for advice. Tunde keep keeping on, u make mondays interesting.

  61. Hmmm…..If I was in Her shoes, I would go ahead with the relationship. Life’s too short to be anything but happy OJARE oooooooo. SIMPLES!!!!!!!!!!

  62. Hmmm its really complicated. I av a kid brother who is also on d big side n datz why most older ladies go 4 him. I must however say that our Nigeria involves a lot in marriage. It aint just d individuals involved cos I can remember my mum telling his ‘gal friends’ ‘would u sincerly say u dnt know he is weeey younger than u wen u discuss’. So if u look @ it d other way around it might come back 2 hunt her wen she’d be so into d guy n d family realizes dis age thing n then she is d one receiving d insults. We re talking of Toke’s siblings wat of d guyz siblings? Do u think they’d av any regards 4 her? Its really complicated. I am a typical Toke in terms of intelligent guyz being my choice buh I must say dat in all d times av dated intelligent guyz, av alwayz been d fool cos I dnt think anymore b4 I act. N I think she has gotten 2 dat point in her life. I had to start going 4 not so intelligent guyz, cos I realized am more sane in d relationship.

  63. Tunde I must say that I appreciate your work alot. Its constructive and intriging. Good Job. Can it be made a soapy?

  64. Hmmm ‘how stella got her groove back’ definitely comes to mind here. Dis whole age disparity works for some but not for others. From my own personal experience on relationships, if I have to deeply struggle wit a decision then its not worth my while. Compromise is one thing, compromising ur beliefs is a whole new ball game.

  65. But seriously considering her age, she aint got so much of a choice…. How often do we see a 40sum’n year old man who’s not been married previously or has a baby mama??? By the way what if he’s genuine and she let’s him go and then the years go by until she’s 40(chances have reduced drastically both for marriage and baby making) On the other hand,it will take a lot of understanding,maturity and love for the marriage to survive because one way or the other,consciously or unconsciously, the age factor ll come into play sometimes and its how they handle such challenges that will determine the workability of the marriage……

    • TL, not being a snitch but I just saw that 360nobs runs your “Oyin Clegg” story but it appears they don’t give credit to the source… Dunno if you have some sort of agreement about it. I just thought its worth mentioning… You should be given credit for your hardwork.

  66. You guys are funny sha

    I mean you do realise that this is fiction? so the fact that you are giving advice to Toke is making laugh

    Do you think Toke is going to jump out of the story to read this and then jump back into it and take put your advice into action

    The story already has an ending no advise you give here will change the story because its fiction…do u get how it works now?

    • Oh yes Temi, we are fully aware how it works. But am sure you know this kinda ‘fiction’ happens in real life and trust me there is someone who is reading this and peradventure facing the same situation. Toke might not find these advice useful, but one of the readers who is facing same will surely find it useful.
      So whether fiction or real life, finding hubby readers are allowed to pour out their minds…..

    • In essence, the blog should not even have facilities for comments? I’m getting u babes! Btw, did u read d last line in the 4th to the last paragraph where our comments were solicited? Nah, I did not think u did! Try park well

  67. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!!!!
    I got the link to this blog last night and it has been a helluva ride! Can’t believe I’m getting on the waitlist for Monday! THUMBS UP Tunde!! Great Writeup! I hope you get accolades bigger than Comments on your blog!

  68. For me I don’t think we can make generalizations because every situation is different. I mean Ossy and Gloria had an age appropriate relationship and it turned out to be hell on earth ditto with Oyin and Yomi… The thing that those two relationships lacked was love from all parties so I think as long as they’re compatible and Toke really loves Olumide and vice versa they will find a way to have a happy marriage because of that love. I thought the reason women gave for dating men older than them is because women supposedly mature faster, so if this Olumide dude is mature enough for her to the point that she as a 35 year old woman acknowledges it …. And about her younger brothers disrespecting him I think as long as she treats Olumide with respect in front of her family members and he does to then they would have no reason to be rude to him… My older cousin has been dating a dude 10 years her junior, me and her bf are the same age but I don’t talk to him anyhow because at the end of the day he’s my older cousin’s bf…
    But if it’s a dealbreaker for Toke and she can’t get over the age diff then she should ball out

  69. Hmmm…oga oh! D dude is obviously a sugar boy for him to enjoy dating older women.the age diffrnc is too much.if she was older wit just some months,I’d av said “go for it” but EIGHT yrs?! Nah…Besides,we all knw all men av d tendency to cheat only dat some do so more regularly dan odas hence we try our best to maintain our looks.By d time her body starts to age,d marry a dude will start to misbehave in the search of “fresh blood”.She even earns more dan him! By d tym d marital bliss of d 1st few yrs havs faded a bit d respect she has for him now will also wane.

  70. As 4mi evn if love is blind,sacrifcial n lame most times,its beta we stop dreamin of a picture perfect marriage of fairytale witout qualms n hurdles n face reality da life is nt as we dream of it,d guy luks 2real 2b tru n he’s used 2hvin older women cos dey r indepent n he lives of dem cos his lazy.toke shud choose wisely cos d future wil turn out 2b horrible 4her as he wil jus kick her aside n mov on levin her wit hearattack or heartbreak in her old age!

  71. Really, I think U should let go. Have U ever heard of Love turn Sour? Pls, she should save herself d heartbreak and let go and count it as one of things U can never have. When the guy friends go begin tease am…………He’ll start playing a fast one on U and He’ll give u every reason 2 do justify his actions

  72. This is something you really can’t judge from the outside. One can only speculate, its really the parties involved dat can make their own decision. I’ve seen this ‘older female, younger male’ combo work for some and fail for others. Just know your limits, wat you can or cannot take. And commit all else to the Hands of God.

  73. this is really intense I must say,bt really I dnt get dis age thing,its jst so crazy,cos really its jst a freaking number,cos some guys dnt even act their age,dey r a way matured.bt our society ehn?!,bt I fink it could b a secret btw d couple if d oda does nt look It,since dey no d implication of letting d world no,cos all balls down 2 happiness,8yrs is a big deal,bt 2yrs,a year,is nt bad

  74. An age gap is like a glacier that splits into ice floes, which then drift further and further away from each other in a choppy sea.

  75. I m toke in falling4intelligent guys nd dat’s y i go 4 older guys lk 8-12yrs difference…buh wen i c a guy dat is intelligent nd nt more dan 5yrs older, i do appreciate such….i once met a guy i wuz 2yrs older dan,intellingent nd smart…he ddnt mind d age diff buh i culdnt give him d chance….ma philosophy is ”y go4younger guys wen there r millions of older guys”

  76. Read all comments…

    My question, who died and made it law that older women can’t marry younger men and have a VERY successful marriage.
    BUT I’m so sure if tables were turned, it will be go for it and all sorts of BS.
    C’mon black people, we need to quit with the stone age thinking abeg.
    All these marriages breaking up all over, are the men younger??? Was that the reason behind the unhappy marriages or cheating husbands/wives?? We never quit looking beyond the obvious and that’s why marriages fail.
    TOKE GO AHEAD. IT’S YOUR LIFE, YOUR HAPPINESS,YOUR CHOICE JARE.

    • Wow i’m all for older guys n all cos its tradition but seriously i’m feeling this ur ideology. But the problem is that women mature faster both in body and in thinking I think its one thing n again women also feel insecure with the men running after younger girls so I think we feel that if the guy is older, it creates a level of security. I sha know I feel that way oh but truth be told I’ve found out I get along with younger guys n guys my age or 1/2 yrs older as opposed to the wide age gap men I prefer.

  77. we keep forgeting that what if is this guy that will bring her happiness, and in this our age and time, the poor guy is not is worried about the age thing, please toke, pray about it, follow your heart and make your own decision.

  78. Women mature faster? Really? Lol! If women mature faster, why is it that they’re so quick to stab each other in the back over something as trivial as a man? Yeah, maturity.

    Now, back to business. Toke, it feels weird giving you advice, considering you don’t actually exist … but I’m just gonna go ahead with it.

    First, how is it that you’re actually still single at 35? For someone who is so “OOOH, I GOTTA GET A MAN! I GOTTA GET MARRIED!” and you’ve got a great job and all, what were you doing all those years that made it impossible for you to find a suitable mate?

    I’ll tell you what: ego.

    Women may mature faster than men – as ALL the women on here keep pointing out – but the wealthier and more successful and more powerful a woman gets, the bigger her ego.

    Case in point: if Toke was 26 years old, with the type of job she has, and olumide was 24, with the type of job he has, he would NEVER stand a chance getting her. Never! Hell no. Not with Toke. Not with that kind of chick. She would blow him off faster than a boko haram bomb, dude wouldn’t even know what hit him. He’d be like, “What the fuck just happened?”

    But now, after she’s had her fun, played around, spent so much money (hers and men’s), she realises she’s 35 and at that age finding someone older and single is damn near impossible, so she’s now seriously considering settling for someone younger. Lol Riiight!

    Anyways. My advice: go for it. It’s not like you have any other choice. If you’re afraid he’s going to leave you for someone younger, get in line. Plenty Nigerian women have married men older than them and HAVE been left by these men for chicks younger than them. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. All you can do is be the best wife-and-sex-buddy for him (yeah, sex buddy, or he’ll go out and find one).

    And you’re wealthy (wealthier than him, even), so God knows you’re not doing this for the money (like you used to when you were a lot younger and running around town with the BIG BOYS Lol! Look where that got you). You don’t need anyone’s permission. And as for getting your family’s blessing on the whole ish, fuck that. You’re happy, he’s happy, and that’s all that matters. You tell em that. If they don’t agree, that’s their biz-whiz.

    Ladies, take this as a lesson. Get your priorities in check. I’m not saying don’t play. If you’re young and sexy and you feel that you gotta go out there and get dem dudes who are willing to throw all manner of gifts and money and whatnot at you, then by all means, do. But while doing all that shit, think. About. Your. Future. If marriage is something you want in the long run, you ain’t gonna get it riding random dicks, or rolling exclusively with the biggest boy in Lagos and in turn ignoring/shooting down advances from men who are probably nicer, more responsible but not as rich as your big boy friends.

    Right. Now I await your hateroid fueled comments.

    Deuces!!! 😀

      • Akin,so if a woman is not married at 35….it means her world won’t go on? It means she should settle? If she really loved him like she claims…y is she so bothered about what her friends(who by d way have had their share of rubbish relationships all in d name of I must marry) would say? She even cried(choi)! .

    • Henri, Akin is right!!! what is a lady waiting for @ the age of 37? forget the pose and wealth they display, but they need a man in their life to call there own. Nothing we want comes in full package so…….

  79. Must u just cut it off here? Anyway, there can be big deal about it. I once dated a guy who was 5yrs younger than me…it didn’t end well @ all.
    Be very careful dear.

  80. So short argh! Well for the story realistically there will be issues hell there are issues in the normal men older women younger marriages but it’s about the two parties can Toke handle this time will tell .

  81. I would say the age issue is dicey. I personally cannot relate with a guy that’s months younger than myself so I can’t do ds……..however, I’m not 36/37. At that age, all coins flip, the available become the desirable. Compromises must be made cos availability even becomes a relative term, u might start thinking a married man is even available to u if u r cool with being a 2nd wife.
    I usually told my friends that if a guy in the environs of age40 approached any of us in our under 30 range den chances r there is a strong reason he is still single, from being gay to having major compatibility issues or just did not have priorities mapped out. It could be anything, even infertility. Cos the average ‘normal’ guy sd have been married by that age which is available to Toke, except he is divorced or widowed. So if we have that in mind, we have to accept that Toke’s options include largely younger men.
    However, the income issue throws in another dent that makes it harder. She has 2reasons that make it easy for occasions of disrespect to come up. He can’t be seen fulfilling the breadwinner role, even if he gets things for her, major things like rent wd have to be done by her, combine that with her age and u have a recipe for Omodo. It’s only God in her that can make her respect him inwardly. Remember she is a Yoruba chick, the outward respect wd come naturally, but then, what goes on in her mind is very key to d success of d relationship.
    I’d suggest a Very long courtship just so she is sure.

    • Why does she have to pay the rent? The only way she would have to do that is if she demands that she wants to live in a certain place he can’t afford.

      And that’s the thing: she will.

      It’s like Chris Rock said: “Men can’t go backwards sexually, women can’t go backwards in lifestyle.” If a woman is used to living in Lekki and driving fast cars and she gets married, she’s gonna be living in Lekki and driving fast cars. Period. You try and change her and you’re wasting your time. That’s if she even follows you around, knowing you can’t offer her a house in Lekki and fast cars.

      • I did not perceive u as some1 with ego issues o. See what u r saying. If u agree that she can marry him, then what stops her from contributing or paying for rent. So because she has to massage her husband’s ego, she has to stay in a place that may not be suitable for them or suitable to raise a kid. I’m not necessarily talking about this case but say, a guy who can afford a place in ajegunle, and d gal can afford a place in surulere, u advice that cos he is d man and she sd accept what he can afford, they sd stay in ajegunle ba?

      • What’s all this about ego issues? Aren’t you the one who just said it would be difficult for the relationship to stand because he’s not the breadwinner, and you went on to mention that she would have to pay rent? I’m basically saying the guy can provide for her as long as she doesn’t ask for things beyond his financial means, like if she wanted to live in a place only he can’t afford to pay for.

        Als your example is in the extreme. We are not talking about a girl who can afford surulere and a guy who can only afford a.j city. We are talking about a guy who can afford surulere and a girl who can afford 1004 or lekki

  82. Don’t really comprise about marrying someone that’s older but the space between Toke and Olumide ΐƨ damnly much…

  83. I’m not really α sucker 4 literature but I must admit I’ve been glued 2 dis website all day. This is my 1st comment cos I wanted 2 catch up with every other reader b4 I dropped something. TL, u’re really creative, as in en, d story plays out in my imagination like α movie. I started episode 1 today & here I am, thinkin I shouldn’t have finished everything 2day. Now I’ll have 2 wait till monday *sad face* Thumbs up, keep doin d good job

  84. Y can’t a lady just find a perfect man. OMG r u kidding, they will definitely have serious issues in d future. 8yrs is a lot. I fear for her

  85. As 4 me O, av seen a marriage of over 5yrs now dat d wife is 5 years older den d husband and dey are happy with their marriage with 2 children now.
    Wat I only need 2 now is dat, does d man really luv her?
    If d luv is real and they are both happy, I feel dere is no big deal.
    It is only wen u tell people dat dey will no wat is happening in ur home.
    Age is nothing but number.
    D most important is dat u are happy and u will repect him.
    About ur sibblings, u don’t need 2 them his age and d repect dey give u is wat dey will give ur husband.
    Urs is better dan dat of ur friends o
    GBAM!!!!!!!

  86. Well, for me, one have to weigh every options before going into marriage. Its not a trial and error or short term thingy. So any coma like this, ones life can be shattered. But hey…if they both found Love, and theres no hiden secret pls str8 to the alter.
    Thank God i’m reading this chapter to chapter…i dont have to wait one week but hope it ends on 23 o,coz i can see thats the last cpz me i no fit wait kumkum.

  87. A lot of people make compromises to get married.You just have to make a choice that doesn’t affect your psyche and everyone around you too much.If you hear what a lot of peeps go thru to get married,babe you’ll know age is d least of your worries.

  88. Yes now. Nothing goes for nothing. Marriage is 80% sacrifice and d rest is compromise.But the ish is what are the things one compromises about? This age is just an unnecessarily big issue for his continent.

  89. Pingback: Finding Hubby – All The Episodes | tlsplace

  90. Keiskwerd, you can fall in love in less than a month…..month long now. And I’m talking real, time tested love.

    Toke is the most important factor in this decision . How do you feel, cos you will live with it. I know it sounds harsh but forget everyone else here. They are living their lives and shouldn’t get to live yours at the same time. Marrying an older person doesn’t guarantee that he won’t cheat on you even before menopause. It’s his character that will. So consider that. Listen to your inner man. If you don’t have any warning signals to the contrary, then go on.
    The issues people have to face in marriage are still there regardless of your ages. Marriage can be tough and it’s not your age or his that will see you through, it’s Gods grace. Love is the key word. If you love him-if you have judged love correctly- and he loves you, that’s what you need.

    So to answer you Tunde, whom we marry is a choice. When you begin to see your choice as a compromise, you have to look again. -‘I love you so let me compromise’ is not the same as ‘I love you so it doesn’t matter’.

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