Archive | August 2012

Reader’s Corner – Smash it?

Well something came into my mind when I was in church, ( don’t judge me, not like I wasn’t listening to the pastor) I saw some ladies in church and I got thinking wow because something just drew my attention to them. So I thought to myself let me even bring this on here and see what you guys also think of it.

I know you do not have an idea of what I am about to unveil but if you have been thinking dirty it’s time to bring your mind out of the gutter :p lol. Because I do not mean the kind of smashing some of you might be thinking. As I said earlier, I was in church and I saw some ladies with heavy make-up on, like their faces were colouring boards! When I say colouring board best believe that it is just an understatement. You guys should have seen how they just painted their faces. That got me thinking why do girls smash their make ups on like this??? What even beats me is that some girls look really pretty without having make up on, even the bible recommends that we should do everything in moderation and I don’t think making up is excluded.

Please do not get me wrong I am not saying don’t wear make-up or anything, all I am saying is do it with moderation. Don’t put it on like you just poured it on your face, let it be light and moderate and you would not believe how well your beauty show through. I am not a big fan of make-up (not like I do not use it sometimes), but when I want to use it I use it sparingly. And I think ladies should start doing that too; trust me guys do not like it when you look like a walking doll, they probably laugh at you because they think “why is she so fake?”

Please guys do not criticize me on this, these are just my thoughts and I felt I should share it here and see what you guys think about this. I do not support you smashing it on like a masquerade and I also love it when ladies know when to have their make-up light or heavy. What I find funny sometimes are church workers especially the choristers with smashed or heavy make-up on and you are there in front singing, please do you think church members are singing along or they are just busy looking at the wow make-up ‘sister singer’ has got on?? You are just an item of distraction to people!

What do you guys think? All comments are welcomed and please remember not to judge me

Dammy Adebayo sent this in from Lagos.

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Flora – Fourth Petal – Process

“4th installment in my developing thoughts on lessons from the flower. Hope you find them helpful.”

TL

The flower’s value does not lie in its present but in its future – what it can become. It can become a tree. But how does the flower move from being a mere small flower into a big tree.

 The journey starts with pollen from the anthers of the flowers being carried by the pollinators to other flowers so that fertilization of the eggs in the stigma can occur. A period of incubation when fertilized eggs send little roots into the belly of the flower follows. Time then elapses when the flower transforms, with the outer parts forming the fruit and the inner parts forming the seed. The flower goes through this long way in its journey to becoming a tree; but it is not there yet. The seed must then be planted and nurtured. Over time, it then grows up into a tree. It may take a few days or a hundred years, depending on the species of the plant.

 This seems like such a long way for the flower to go in order to fulfill its purpose. That journey is what we call process. The flower has to go through a series of events that change it so that it can transform into a tree. Even if it goes through 95% of the process, it will only become almost a tree, never a tree. Going 100% all the way is called staying power.

 A wise man once said that the wealthiest place on earth is the graveyard. The greatest of potential is found buried with the occupants of the graves. It is process that transforms the minutest of potential into the most opulent of fulfilled purpose. No matter how great potential is, it will be useless if it is not processed. The poorest of nations in the world are amongst those that have the greatest potential to be rich. They are poor because they do not process their potential into wealth. Your greatest value will only be realized when your potential today is processed into your purpose tomorrow. People recognize potential but they respect and value maximized potential more.

 You must discover what needs to be done with what you have for that which you have to become that which you should have. Go through the process

Finding Hubby – Episode 20

We agreed with Toke that we would meet Lumi. In spite of all our reservations about the cougar kinda relationship, we decided to support her. Immediately we did, Toke excitedly called him and put it on speaker. A deep rich baritone voice with a slight British accent came through

“Ololufemimydear, wotagwan”.

Toke:“Guess what”?

Lumi:“What o?”

Toke:“My friends have agreed to come on an all expense paid trip with me to see you. All expense paid by you of course”.

Lumi:“I can guess they are all listening, so I’ll let them know that I have to consult my board of directors on the profitability of this investment”

We all laughed and he cooed “Hi ladies”.

We all said in our most girly voices “Hiiiiii”.

“We’ll see tomorrow, at four pm. Please ensure your tour guide, Toke, gives you adequate tips on how to survive my very dry sense of humor”.

Then he addressed Toke

“Sweets, glad I’m finally getting to meet the world famous musketeers. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Love you plenty”

Toke:“Bye honey. See ya tomorrow”.

You need to have seen the way Toke was smiling from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat as she hung up the call.

Now it’s not like we were the ones going to our man, but we had to represent, we couldn’t fall our friend’s hand. So we spent most of the next morning picking out what to wear, wondering where we would all be going anyways.

I picked out a lovely flowery dress, while Glo wore one of those jumpsuit gowns and an elaborate hat with shades. Toke *cough cough* wore a pair of shorts that showed off her legs and a chiffon top, big earrings and pumps. Omoge on point! The guy will die there o, see as my friend was looking hot.

4pm on the dot, my doorbell rang and Toke wanted to head to the door. Gloria rushed her and made sure she did no such thing, you can never seem too eager to a man jor. I got the door, and surveyed Lumi. I smiled that “not bad” smile and extended my hand saying “Oyin”, and he took my hand and said “so you guys did the ‘she must not be too eager to come and get the door’ thingy”?

I laughed. He was a smart one. “But of course”, and I stepped aside to let him come in. Toke was right behind me already (RME. The girl is just not trying at all).

The day with Lumi went great. The chemistry between him and Toke was like bread and butter, so together, so seamless. And I did the imagining them in bed thingy in my head and the picture gelled. Glo and I watched them with positive envy (yes there is such a thing), and enjoyed the evening together. First we went to Terakulture for one of his friend’s book reading, and then went on to have dinner at Jevinik. The conversation around that dinner table was one of the best I have had in years. We talked about everything and moved effortlessly through every topic. He was down to earth, witty, and all that Toke had said and more. By the time the evening was over, I had totally forgotten about his age. It felt like I had known him for years. I couldn’t be happier for my friend. If he had that effect on me with just one evening, how could I blame my friend for forgetting with plenty such evenings together?

At about ten o clock, I noticed that Toke was getting more and more cuddly. That’s non-verbal for “you people should start going and leave us to *wink wink*” I kicked Gloria under the table and she got the message. Lumi picked on the increased activity and seized the moment to say

“I think we should call it a night, en, ladies?”

We sluggishly gathered our things and shuffled towards Lumi’s car. Toke took the wife position beside him in front and Glo and I got into the back seat, pretending not to notice that there were some slight smooches as he formed opening the door for her. He walked over to the side of his car with a slight arc of his back, and the posture did nothing to hide the bulge he was trying to hide in his groin. In no time, we were home, and they dropped us off for the night (like we were expecting Toke to stay with us 😀 ). The BBMS began to fly in from her the moment they left

Toke: So what do you guys think?

Me: think he’s real great o. Our fears were unfounded.

Toke: Soooooooooooo?

Me:#bbthinkingsmiley

Toke: Oyin, you are putting me on long ish! Talk jor!

Me: #bbrotflsmiley. We both think the age is not going to be an ish. He’s a correct guy and carries himself so well.

Toke: #bbkisssmiley. Gotta run

Me: Gerrout. We both know what you are running to go and do.

It was then I noticed Glo wasn’t laughing with me. We had been reading the bb conversation together. Maybe she was thinking about her marriage. For whatever its worth, a broken marriage cannot be as easy to take as she had taken it. After her initial relief, there was bound to be despair and a loneliness that was deep. Add that to the sense of loss she must feel over her lost pregnancy. I hadn’t even been married to Yomi and those first few days after the wedding had been hell on earth. So I could imagine to a degree what was going through her mind as she saw Toke so happy with her man. I had felt that way about her being married and preggy earlier

I poured her a drink and we just sat in silence for like fifteen minutes, sipping on our drinks. Gloria broke the silence

“I need to tell you something, Oyin”, she began

“If it’s about Ossy, and asking forgiveness kind of talk, I’m over that now and we’re waaaaay past that”, I responded

She hushed me and said “No, it’s about Ossy at all. That whole saga hurts, but I don’t want to talk about that. It’s something else”.

I became alert, and sat up. I wondered what it was that she wanted to talk about. I figured now she had been trying to decide whether to tell me or not, so it had to be pretty serious and had to involve me in some way.

“It’s about Toke, or more correctly, about Lumi”.

I sprang into an upright and fully alert sitting position immediately. “What about him”, I inquired.

Gloria held her head in her hands and said “I have slept with Lumi”.

I collapsed back into my chair like a pack of cards, as tears fell out of Gloria’s eyes.

Before I could get the details out of Gloria, my phone rang. I knew it was Toke because I set her own voice recording as her ringtone. I quickly picked the phone

“Is Gloria there?” she asked

“Yes she is”, I responded and Gloria’s head shot up. All that raced through my mind was that Lumi and told her and she wanted to scream her head off at Gloria.

I gingerly put the phone on the table and put it on speaker phone. “Toks, you’re on speaker now, we can both hear you”.

Then she shrieked, “He proposed!!!!”

 

Reader’s Corner – Using Debt To Grow Your Business

2nd post in the Reader’s Corner section. Write about anything that interests you and send it in to ajileyeb@gmail.com and you might get featured here on a Friday. Today’s Post is by Dipo Adetuyi, who runs Oakleaf Pharmaceuticals. His company can be found here on the web http://oakleafpharma.net/

TL

Many businesses around the world don’t reach the 5year mark; many more don’t even reach the 2year mark. If you are a new business or an entrepreneur struggling with keeping your business afloat amidst mounting bills and relentless competition then I’m sure the concept of debt may be a bit scary to you.

Many business gurus will tell you that you that the main reason why businesses fail is a lack of funds or a trickling cash flow. Cash flow is basically the amount, frequency and manner in which cash flows in and out of your business. This means the amount of credit and debit accrued to your business over a period of time, usually one month.

Understanding the nature of your business cash flow is a prerequisite to success. You need to know how your business operates and the amount of money you expect to realise in one week, one year and even daily. Of course there are days when these figures will be over or below your estimated amount but there should be a figure and this figure can only be gotten from experience. This means you take a microscopic look at your business over a period of time and assess how cash flows in and out. I recommend a period of at least 8-10months so that you get a full grasp about the capacity of your business.

When you have a proper knowledge of your cash flow, then we can talk about debt. Debt is an obligation owed by one party (the debtor) to a second party, the creditor; usually this refers to assets granted by the creditor to the debtor. Note that the definition doesn’t just connote debt as cash owed, it says assets as well.

As a business, there are many ways to have access to debt, the most common however is a loan. Many banks in Nigeria will charge you an interest rate of about 25% per annum, so for instance if you collect a loan of N1M (one million naira) you will pay N1, 250,000(one million two hundred and fifty naira in return) which will be spread over a period of 12 months in most cases so you will end up paying N104,116 (One hundred and four thousand one hundred and sixteen naira) monthly, that’s if the tenor of your loan is one year. There’ll also be other fees that the bank will charge, which will be taken upfront from the amount you get when you receive credit into your account.

Other methods include credit facilities from your suppliers, asking your customers to pay upfront, securing investment from angel investors, selling equity of your business, credit cards, over draft facilities etc.  The basic tenet of this concept is to use other people’s money to grow your business.

Now let’s consider the example given above, now you owe the bank N104, 116 monthly. For this to work you need to understand and consider your business mark-up and your monthly turnover. Consider that you already owe the bank 25% so you need to have a positive mark-up after 25%. For instance if you sell laptops and your mark-up is 33% and you have a turnover of N500,000 in one month then it will be extremely difficult for you to apply for a loan at 25%. This is because at a turnover of N500, 000 your gross profit is just N124, 060. You have to pay the bank N104, 116 out of this amount excluding other bills you have to pay. I must say you will have sleepless nights over this and your business will definitely not survive.

In my experience it’s better to either have a higher mark-up or a larger turnover even if it means reducing your prices slightly so you can sell a higher volume, in the end it will pay off. Now the concept of debt when fully understood and harnessed helps you in tremendous ways. Using the same example above if you have been able to negotiate a deal with your supplier to give you N500, 000 credit for 2 weeks and you also have access to a loan of N1m. This puts less stress on your business because you still have your own N500, 000 which you would have erstwhile used in making purchases. Lets now say you use the N500, 000 to purchase laptops from another supplier this means you have N1, 000,000 worth of laptops. Let’s now say you reduce your mark-up to 30% so that you can sell more. This means you will make a gross profit of N300, 000 in one month. Consider that you haven’t even touched your loan money. With whatever money you make in 2 weeks you repay your supplier and everyone is happy. After a couple of months you can decide to increase your credit limit from the supplier. If you did use the loan of N1m, you should have a turnover of above N2m.

Debt is not a bad thing, its debt management and a poor understanding of it that makes things difficult. Another great way of utilizing debt is the barter system. I know many people are reading this with a smirk. After all, the barter system is dead; truth is it isn’t. Let’s say our laptop seller also sells mobile phones or say he is a distributor for a mobile phone manufacturer hence he gets cheaper prices.  He can, if his supplier also sells mobile phones, reach an agreement with his supplier to offset his bills by supplying mobile phones instead of cash. I do this in my business and it works for me, a skill I learnt from semi-literate people.

There are so many aspects to using debt to grow your business that cannot be fully exhausted in this article but I must say that it’s something that must be embraced. It also helps to have other sources of income to cushion the effect of failure in one aspect of your business. I must however re-iterate that debt is a double edged sword; it takes skill and experience to master it. All business decisions must be made with a clear head and remember growth should be stepwise and not instantaneous.  Never be in a hurry to grow, enjoy the process and learn from it. Scraping and squeezing to pay bills and offset debts is part of the business process and it’s something that must be mastered.

There are a few things to know before getting that loan or going into purposeful debt;

1) Your cash flow must be positive and you must always underestimate it to account for fluctuations

2) Nothing ever goes as planned in business so always have a backup for your backup. You should know that your bank or supplier will not accept excuses but you should  put your monthly repayments as priority

3) Never use debt for non-business activities. Now the bank has given you the loan you have prayed for, it’s not the time to buy a new car or marry a new wife or splurge on that new bag, always plough every penny into the business and you can use its dividends on yourself. Never eat the seed, always wait for the fruits.

4) You must be disciplined; financial discipline especially in this part of the world is extremely poor especially for new businesses. Remember the concept of delayed gratification is very important.

5) Don’t be scared, worry and fear can overwhelm you and make you lose focus; if at the 14th day you don’t have any means of paying your debt then you may need to reduce the prices of some of your goods so you can have cash to repay.

6) You need to take cognisance of other factors that affect your cash flow; your overhead costs should be at a minimal. Remember the Pareto principle, 80% of your profits will come from 20% of your efforts or customers so focus on those 20%.

7) Understand your debt before going into it, you should ensure that you understand and embrace all the facts of your debts before you go into it. Don’t accept a debt you don’t fully understand, read in between the lines. If you don’t understand ask a professional.

You should know that even though most businesses always want to have their account in blue, a little red doesn’t hurt as long as it’s managed and there are ways to repay.

If you have any questions about this article please send me an email @ dipoadetuyi@yahoo.com

Flora – Third Petal – Potential

Imagine that you did not know about the reproductive process of flowering plants. If I plucked the flower of a mango tree and brought it to you and then took you to a full-grown mango tree. If then I told you that the mango tree that you see is contained within that flower and that the mango tree comes from a flower like that, you would most likely disbelieve me.

 No matter how drab or colorful, big or small a flower is, it can produce a plant that will have every single component on the one you see complete! It will have a stem, a root, leaves and flowers complete. That is the potential of the flower, what it can become. The purpose is to reproduce the plant, but potential is found in the seemingly insignificant things within the flower that ultimately enable it fulfill that purpose. Since the purpose of each flower is different, the potential within them is different. Some need sticky pollen, others large, colorful petals and others still small spiky petals.

 Within every individual lies the potential to fulfill purpose. It may look unlikely that you are the one are to achieve those things you identified, but don’t you dare disbelieve your purpose. The thing about potential is that it cannot be seen and valued by the vast majority of people until you have worked it into becoming that which you dreamt. It takes people who have rightly positioned their minds and have discovered their purpose to see potential. Like the flower, the smallest of things can become the greatest of all. Don’t look to those who tell you that your purpose is a bar set too high for somebody like you. Remember that without the benefit of hindsight, no one would believe that every tree started as a single flower on some other tree. Yu can achieve purpose, no matter how small potential might look. Don’t become envious of those with different or bigger looking potentials. Differences in potential only mean differences in purpose, not licenses to limitations.

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Finding Hubby – Episode 19

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We watched as Toke struggled with telling us who Olumide was and my fears about him instantly skyrocketed. I hoped Toke wasn’t pregnant for some married man. The most intelligent ladies do the silliest things at times, when you least expect it.

“I met Olumide about a month ago. Very nice guy.” She took her phone from me and retrieved a picture from her memory card and showed him to us. The guy in the picture was on the chubby side, but chubby in a good looking Cedric the Entertainer kinda way. He was wearing a grey suit that looked good on him, and he seemed to carry himself well even in the picture. “This is a correct looking guy now”, Gloria said. “Exactly,” I joined in. “So why the hide and seek?” “You guys should wait and let me give you the background now, before I get to that point. At least you will be more lenient when crucifying me if you hear it all.” We nodded okay and she continued,

“I met him in company of another male friend, and I just enjoyed his wit and charm. He’s a lawyer, and he’s very intelligent. Very very. You know me, I’m a sucker for intelligent guys. And his imagination was just as active as mine. At some point, even my friend couldn’t keep up with us as we sparred with all sorts of puns. It was beautiful.”

I can imagine. Toke looked like she was having an orgasm just internally reliving the conversation. She always (I mean always) gauges a man by his ability to keep up with her, especially in conversation and talking in imagery. No attraction can happen if the guy cannot, and even if there was some initial attraction, if he cannot keep up, the attraction dies a natural death. She always said that if a guy cannot get jokes she cracks, he simply cannot get the rest of her. So I know the kind of heaven she must have been in when she met a guy who could keep up with her. It seemed he could do more than keep up with her. He challenged her. She rarely found such men.

She continued “we hooked up a couple of times, and he just has the most beautiful amazing mind ever. You will notice I’ve been happier and more motivated lately”. Very true, she’s had great energy level recently (as attested to by events of earlier in the day). I was beginning to get impatient because I knew she had not gotten to the gist of the matter. But I borrowed myself brain, make I no rush the girl. She was obviously having a hard time coming out straight with it, so I didn’t want to make it harder.

“He didn’t even need to formally ask me out. We just started dating, and I feel in my bones he is the one for me. I met his family and they are such wonderful people. He doesn’t make as much money as I do, but I don’t mind at all. He’s hardworking, makes his own money, and takes care of me in spite of not making up to me. Lord, I love him.” She held her head in both hands now.

Wow! The big love word. This was more serious than I thought. Toke was in love. For real. She was despairing seriously now, so I had to nudge her “All this sounds wonderful, but I’m sure
there’s something you haven’t told us”.

She raised her head and looked me squarely through eyes that were red from tears she was struggling to hold back “He’s 27.”

I nearly fell off my chair. The words “cradle snatching” jumped out of my mouth before I could catch myself. Gloria repeated, “27!” She was a clean eight years older than him.

“Yes he is, but he’s so mature. First, I met him through a friend who is older than me and they talked as colleagues and friends. I didn’t realize that men are not like us; they can relate with someone way their junior as friends on the same level. So I assumed he was at least my age on that first meeting. And it was so perfect with him I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t until I had to get his driver’s license about two weeks into the relationship that I discovered. Then I confronted him with the fact, and he told me he didn’t have any issues with it, that he loves me and wants to make me his wife. He has never dated any woman younger than him, so he’s used to it already. And in all honesty, if you remove the age ish, he is all I want in a man.”

“Toke,” I said, shaking my head to emphasize my disagreement “he’s not even as old as Dayo, and if I recall, Dayo isn’t your immediate younger brother. There’s still Salewa between you guys. It just doesn’t seem right. Too many things can go wrong. How would you handle if Salewa or Dayo was rude to him? They are older you know? And then add another ten years to your ages, he’s 37 and still youthful and you are 45 and nearing menopause. A lot of times, these young guys will leave you at that time when you need them the most and go for a girl that is young enough to be your daughter (yes, a 45 year old can sha give birth to a 25 year old). What will you do then?”

Toke’s eyes blazed as she shouted at me “I know! Do you think I haven’t thought of all that? I wish I could just turn myself off and let him go. But it’s not that easy!”

I quickly hugged her “Sorry dear, I’m real sorry”.

Somehow I felt like life was playing a cruel tease game with us. It brought me a man who was my all I ever dreamt about but he turned out to be gay. It delivered Gloria to a man who turned her into his punching bag and cruelly killed their child. And now it had sucker punched Toke by delivering her the man of her dreams, with this big comma over him. I’m beginning to wonder if everyone always has to make some sort of compromise to get married, because it seems that is going to be the case here. Really, I want your thoughts on this in today’s comments. Is it absolutely necessary?

Back to Toke’s issue. She was near tears now. “I tell myself I should be proud of my man, and he’s been asking to meet my friends for like two weeks now, but I’ve given one excuse or the other. He’s too sharp not to see my excuses for what they really are, but I guess he is humoring me. But I really don’t know how long his patience will last. I want to be proud of my man in every way, but I cannot truly tell myself that even I am not struggling with this right now. My fear is that I’ll do something because of these struggles that will sabotage the relationship, and then I’ll then say it’s because of the age difference that it crashed when in reality, it’s my actions that caused the crash.”

My impulse is to tell Toke to end it and count it as a loss, but knowing how choosy she is, and how long it has taken her to find this, and then the fact that the guy is seriously considering marrying her, I really do not know what to say.

I looked at her and said “Toke, this is what we will do…”

Reader’s Corner – Dig On… Gold Digger

I announced on twitter that blog readers can now send in write-ups on any subject matter of their choice and these would be posted on Fridays. Today is the first in Friday Readers’ Post. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and was in stitches. I’m sure you will too. Today’s entry is from BISODUN from LAGOS

You can read Bisodun’s other material on her blog at http://bisodunwrites.blogspot.com/

TL

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The moment Segilola stepped out of the popular Shoprite supermarket in Ikeja, she was approached by a good-looking young chap, about 6’2. Dude sure had nerves, as Segilola   was quite unapproachable. I mean, the Prada handbag she had glued to her wrist was made from the world’s rarest and most expensive animal skins. Her total demeanor screamed “back off”, you know, the cute little pout, flicking of her long streaks, full human hair extension and all that badass attitude that all these rap kids would refer to as “swagger”. You couldn’t tell if she was going shopping or dining with the queen.

“Hey beautiful”

Turning around to peek at who had hollered at her, Segilola’s eyes immediately did a quick scan of the young man’s shoes and wrist watch, to see if it “made sense”

Movado watch, Gucci drivers, not bad…. She thought, smiling coyly.

“You done shopping?” He asked.

“Well…. Yea”

“Forgive me, my name is Segun”

“Segi, she said changing her birth name to a sleeker version.

“Would you mind joining me for a drink?”

“Well…. I don’t drink, would prefer Thai food actually,” she said, doing the hair flick thing again.

“Hmm….. There isn’t one around here, right?

“There isn’t, but there’s one on the island, Pattaya, to be precise,”

“Unfortunately, I’m not mobile”

“Really? Is your car at the mechanic’s? ”

“Hmmm….. Actually, I don’t drive”

“You don’t? She interrupted, her eyes lit up.

“Is there a problem?

“A lot actually, nice meeting you, she said and stormed off.

 Segilola never gave Segun a chance, she didn’t care if he was a wonderful, caring, intelligent guy, she left on the hint that he didn’t have a car and translated that to the lack of a good number of other material things. Are you Segilola? If you are, I’m not here to judge you; I just want to know why?

 Goodness gracious! It seems ladies these days are involved in some unconscious gold rush these days. They seem to be carrying a metal gold sieve pan and pass every man they meet through it. If fine gold doesn’t come through that sieve, it’s over, isn’t it? A lot of girls would only date guys that possess certain material things, e.g. a car, a house (preferably in one of the highbrow areas) a mouth watering salary, or a great business. It’s certainly no news. In most cases, when a girl meets a guy, the first question her girls ask her besides his physical appearance include; “Is he paid up?” “What car does he drive?” “Where does he live?” And so on. God bless you if your answers are negative.

Gold digger is slang for greedy women – a woman whose interest in a relationship is to get material benefits from it.   Majority of them don’t work. They never pay for dinner or entertainment and always ask for favors without offering any rewards (except sex sha, cos for some it’s actually a thank you gift). Please note that after you’ve read this definition (urban dictionary) you should know your stance, because some ladies are in denial! Once again, are you Segilola? I remember those times when girls would say, “I can “date” rich men, but when it’s time for “marriage”, I want a God fearing, nice, caring, sweet man”! What happened to all those promises? (I guess all na yans!) because right now, all I see, is women, stooping low, tolerating crap from men, all in the name of marrying a  “rich/society big boy”. They throw caution to wind, and would “rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle!”

Love? What has love got to do with relationships and marriages these days? I’ve heard women say “love is not enough’ I can’t suffer, I want a rich man!” A friend of mine actually believes that once there’s money, love will spring forth (lol!) Gone are the days, when women married for love (our mothers, to be precise). Those were the days, women stood by their men, through the struggle, supported him, believed in him and prayed for him. Many ladies these days, don’t want that struggle, they want a “readymade man”. No waiting, no striving, everything easy!

Another friend of mine has sworn that she’ll only marry a rich man even though she has to wait till her late 30’s. She also mentioned she would only marry a society man, one with a well-known last name, so she can be addressed as “Mrs………………… That’s a topic for another day.

Now to the main issue, why do some women consider the size of a man’s pocket before entering into any relationship?

Some have said marriage is a battlefield, where women are most likely going to lose, and for them, in order not to be a complete loser, they “extract” as much money, property and expensive jewelry that they can.  For such women, marriage is a complete business transaction. “All’s fair in love and war” is their philosophy.

Some are gold diggers because they lacked a lot of material things as kids and so for them, marrying a rich man will be a major breakthrough.

Some are gold diggers based on experience. Life happened to them and because of their past, they would follow their head rather than their heart. They don’t trust men, and are always defensive. It’s kinda like a situation where they are looking out for themselves.

At the end of the day, every woman wants security, no woman wants a man that can’t provide. But I think where we should draw the line, is what your definition of provision is? Are you dating a fresh graduate and expecting him to take you to London for Christmas? You must be in la la land! Please wake up! Are you engaged to a newly employed guy who is earning a five digit salary, yet you’re expecting a Hermes bag? You need deliverance if you are! Let’s learn to cut our coat according to our cloth. If your man can’t afford “funmi hair”(expensive human hair extension) please go and buy “darling Yankee” or better still, “premium too” Gbam!

Hold up men! Don’t get all excited, nodding your heads. Women shouldn’t take all the blame, men are equally guilty, “If men didn’t offer women all these fancy things, women wouldn’t even think in that direction”. Often times, men lure women with expensive gifts. They’ll do anything to get that girl. Talk about instances Kola borrows Ladi’s G-wagon, just to take Caroline to dinner or is it using all your life savings to buy an Evoque, but you’re squatting with a friend in a BQ in Lekki (a highbrow area in Lagos) or those that don’t even have a roof over their heads, when no one’s looking, they sneak into their very expensive cars, and crash there (Yes, it sounds outrageous, but I’ve met a guy with this story).

This reminds of me of a story I once heard.

Girl: Yes who are you

Guy:  My name is Tega

Girl: Do you earn a salary

Guy:  No I don’t, but…

Girl: Do you drive your own car?

Guy:  No I don’t, but

Girl: Sorry, but I can’t have anything to do with you

Guy:  I don’t earn a salary because I pay salaries, and I don’t drive my own car because my driver drives my cars. And yes, I can’t have anything to do with you either, so the feeling is mutual.

 A lot of girls are constantly searching for materials things in their prospective husbands/Partners. Is money your number one criteria in a relationship? Does money answer all things? Would you rather cry in a limo, than laugh on a bicycle? Please drop a line………….