Ossy took a seat opposite me as a waiter followed him closely with an exquisite bottle of white wine, the type that I liked. “Is this a joke or something? Or are you on a date with Gloria here?” I asked, confused. Someone had been sending me romantic notes and gifts for the past few days and Ossy turned up on my date. “Please listen”, he responded trying to calm me down, because I was raising my voice already. For some reason I still cannot understand, I gave him the benefit of doubt and sat back calmly to hear whatever explanation he had for this.
“Look, I’m going to cut to the chase Oyin. The truth is that my feelings for you have not changed one bit from the first day I set my eyes on you. I could never love another woman the way I love you, my mind is fixed on you. And don’t think I haven’t tried to love my wife. I truly have, with all of my might. But my heart refuses to agree with what my head knows is the right thing to do. I truly cannot live without you Oyin”.
“So that’s why you ruined my wedding and humiliated me in front of the whole world? Love! That’s why you let me go into a serious relationship with Yomi for 3months with all you knew without uttering one word. Love!! And you come here asking me to cheat on myself and my friend by having an affair with her husband? Love!!! So you have finished looking at me and you don’t think I can find a man of my own, so I should be content to share you with someone as a side-chick? Ossy you are a selfish man. Ossy you are a mad man. Ossy you are a wicked man! In fact evil man!”
He stood up to come over to my side “Oyin try and understand. Please. Look at the lengths I have gone to, just to get your attention and get you here. I’m not saying…” he tried to hold my hand.
If you see the violence with which I pushed his hands away en, you will wonder where I got the strength from. “I do not care what you are trying to say, get your hands off my body! You just took advantage of the fact that you know me so well, to do the exact things I told you a long time ago were thoughts and daydreams I had, and that we had talked about that I would love. That’s not going to any length, that’s taking advantage of me!” I stood up and literarily climbed over him. “Don’t ever let me hear from you again. Do not call, text, drop a note again. Ever!” Then I cupped my boobs in front of his eyes and shouted as I gave him dagger eyes “These can never be for you, even if no other man wants them! Oloriburuku, (literarily ‘your head is not correct’). God will punish you a thousand times.”
He just sat there calmly, as if on the verge of tears. I really couldn’t care. I stormed out of the restaurant, barging into every table and chair on my way enroute the door. I am finding hubby now, not finding friend’s hubby. Kilodem! I blocked out everything I was passing. At the door, I turned round to look at him. He still sat there, as if he didn’t believe I was going to leave him there like that. It angered me that he had been so sure I would fall for it and agree to his plans. Imagine, the clown wanted to be doing Glo at home and have me Oyin Clegg as a side-chick outside. Wonders will never end. God forbid!
I went to my car and when the security guy that helped me out of the car park kept hailing me, I shouted on him seriously. The guy couldn’t understand how the nice madam that came in bright and smiling didn’t want to make “the boys” happy. I drove to the café where Toke was sipping on a mix of Smirnoff Ice and Malt (you should try this, it is really noice). I caught her by surprise, she almost spilled her drink. “Wetin happen? Why you out so quickly now? Thought you were having such a great time you forgot to give your poor friend updates any longer” she asked, with raised eyebrows. She got serious when she saw I wasn’t smiling at her jibe “What’s the issue, what happened”, she queried, sitting up. I took her drink and gulped it down first, “Order another one for yourself, I’m not returning this one.” She signaled the waiter and I relished the drink while she ordered for another.
“What was wrong with our man now? Is that how high his level of wowo-ness is ni? Abi he called you HOyin too ni? Abi its Femi trying to apologize? (told you guys Toke’s imagination is very fertile ground abi? As in Femi? SMH)”. I rolled my eyes for effect to show her she was imagining wayyyy off again. “Oya, stop being silly and leave all this suspense now”, she said, rolling her eyes in return.
I heaved a deep sigh and said “well, Mr. Poet turned out to be none other than our dear friend-in-law Ossy!” Toke actually fell out of her chair in shock. “What! Jesus, Joseph and Mary! The nerve! Is he mad ni? I’m all ears, fill me in”. I quickly gave her a rundown of the events inside the restaurant. She got very concerned at the obsession with which Ossy had come after me and how calm he was about my rejection. We decided she would stay with me for a bit to avoid any obsessed person to hurt me because of rejection. I watched some movie called Obsession which featured Beyonce a while ago. Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman can also read the earth hath no fury like a scorned man.
We each had two more of our mix and the Smirnoff (which has just as much alcohol as beer by the way) was starting to make us slightly light headed. In the midst of our chatter, I remembered that Toke told me there was something she wanted to tell me after my date. “En en, what was the gist you said I should wait till the end of my date. So the date is over now, I’m sure nothing can top my experience of this evening, so spill it”.
Toke shifted uncomfortably in her chair, as if trying to find the words to say what she wanted to. I knew that move very well. “Talk now, worris it now?” She gave it a thought briefly and then responded “I think I should let the person concerned tell you by herself.” She picked her phone and called someone “she’s here now, you can come. How long? Five minutes? Okay. We’re waiting. Yeah, the café I told you. Alright.”
I kept looking at Toke, trying to understand the drama she was acting but she refused to volunteer anything. So we waited. I just silently hoped that it was not another plan with Ossy. I would personally strangle Toke if it was. A couple of minutes later, her phone rang. She picked it up, got up as she answered and signaled that she needed to step outside. She was gone for about two minutes. I checked my TL on twitter to keep myself occupied, keeping an eye on the door.
When Toke returned, she was with another lady. I couldn’t make out who it was initially, it was getting dark, plus the lady was wearing a scarf and wore dark glasses. But then, you cannot be close friends with someone and miss them on a second glance. Toke was coming in with Gloria Onisokame.
As they approached, my mind raced to a thousand and one things she might want to tell me that made Toke even think of bringing us together. So they got to me and sat down. I shot Toke a “this had better have a serious explanation” look and she gave me a “calm down and all shall be revealed look”. The greatest reason why men cannot understand women is because they do not know how to understand this “communication by looks”. They used to understand perfectly when they were kids (when one look from your mum told you exactly what response to give to a question from some friend or relative) but it seems they lose this all important trouble avoiding ability as they grow up. Anyways, I digress.
Gloria didn’t say a word. She didn’t even say hi or anything like that. She just sat down directly opposite us (Toke was now by my side) and silently removed her scarf. And then she removed her glasses. And then I gasped. And then my mouth opened and refused to close. And then an anger welled up within me that made me bang my hands on the table and shout. Everyone in the café turned towards us but I couldn’t care less
NB. If you haven’t, you should read about the Oyin Clegg Pose Giveaway here
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