Finding Hubby – Episode 5

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When I turned, Femi had stood up to tower above me, and I found myself searching desperately for something to say. He relished the effect he was having on me and something warned me that this was not the sweet Femi of yesteryears; that he had grown harder and wiser in the ways of the world. Then he smiled and said, “I have missed you Oyin. Ten years, and I’m still single, still without a woman because I carried you into every relationship I had.” What! Alleluia. Somebody say glory! Let the angels proclaim! His words were music to my ears. I was expecting harsh words, but he had opened up to me like this. Oh, I’m gonna make it up to you Femi, I’m going to meet your every need, be your every comfort and we will never be apart again.

I covered the distance between us in a single stride and held him in my arms (I’m proactive ;)). “Oh God,” I cooed to him, “I’ve missed you so much. I’m still single too (had to let him know quickly that I was available too o), no one else could do, no one else could take your place, absolutely no one. I’m so sorry for…” He placed a finger on my lips and said “shhhh.  Don’t even bring that up, it’s the past and it’s forgotten. I’m just glad you can still be mine.” I was about to die and go into the ninth heaven. This was too good to be true, I was reeling with happiness, I felt like singing a hymn, oh joy eternal. I was already seeing aso ebi, white wedding dress and a cross continental crisscrossing trip for the honeymoon. I even mentally called myself Oyin Tosh, to see how it would sound. It sounded as tush as my current name. Perfect! By the time Hot Pastor came back in, we had already exchanged the following

  • Phone numbers
  • BB Pins
  • My House Address and the Hotel he was staying
  • A kiss.

He walked me to my car and I left floating on air. On my way back home, a keke napep brushed my car, and the guy had already come down and was prostrating and begging. But no keke napep was stealing my joy. I just went back into my car and drove off, shebi the scratch was kuku very small.

Toke came by and thankfully brought Shoprite bread so I didn’t have to warm anything. We just did the bread with butter and juice. I downloaded the day’s event for her. “The same Femi that mumutised for u?” Toke asked. “You are just a foolish child, en you this Toke for bringing that up. You wan cry pass the person wey e dey pain?”

Just in case you are wondering what I’m talking about, let me explain. Mumutising is the art of you being a mumu for your partner. I have a theory that everyone mumutises at least once in life (some people do it severally, some learn sharply and never mumutise again ever, the key phrase is ‘at least once’). So I was the partner Femi mumutised with. Anyways, back to my current convo with Toke.

“Did you take any pictures with him, I wonder how he looks these days,” she said. I checked his DP on BBM. Not his picture. Toke entered espionage mode. “Shebi he’s a bestselling author. Let’s Google him. We should see some recent pictures”. I sharply powered up my laptop and did just that. Yes there were pictures o, plenty. He was really big outside Naija. There were pictures of him with celebs from all around the world. Nia Long, Tyra Banks, Serena Williams, Djimon Honsou, and many more. And he had access to all these hot hot celebs and he had come back to me. Right then, I felt like I was the fairest of them all, omo toh quality gaan. “Hmm, Oyin, this all seems too good to be true o. Hope there is nothing wrong with this guy. Abi he is gay ni”. Sparks flew in my eyes, “What kind of talk is that now? So something must be wrong with him for him to come to me? If you want to abuse me, say it plainly now, don’t use style.” Toke was taken aback by my outburst “Haba, cool down now. I’m just talking as your girl. I have to have your back and in my experience, once it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” “Okay o,” I said rolling my eyes, “I have heard you.”

We relaxed to our meal while watching American Idol. We were so engrossed in the gist and TV that I didn’t notice my BB blinking until American Idol was over. A big smile came to my face when I saw who it was. Femi. He had sent a voice note some forty minutes earlier. It went something like this “Hey babe, hope you still like wearing those lovely gowns. I’ll come by to pick you up at seven for dinner. Make me drop dead when I see you, ciao.”

Toke took the phone and played it over and over again, singing Banky W’s Omoge you too much as she did. That girl was just so silly. I checked the time. It was five thirty. Ninety long minutes before my future husband came to take me out. Mr. X, Kalu and the rest of their likes seemed like a distant past now.

Dressing me up for the date required two hands o, no be small matter. We spent thirty minutes on the internet before we picked out a look (as the bobo is used to celebs, make me sef try now) and then systematically went about transforming me into that look. By the time we were done, Toke was sweating and I was dazzling. She wasn’t going home anyways, she had clothes in her car and would just go to work from mine tomorrow. I was thankful it was a Sunday, because the housecleaner came this afternoon, the house was looking spick and sparkle. By the time we were done with preparations, it was five minutes to seven. Ten minutes later, his call came through. “I’m turning into your estate, so I’ll be at your house shortly.” “Alright boo, I’m dressed up and ready”, I replied and hung up.

Moments later, the doorbell rang. Toke went to get the door for me, while I went into the room to take one last look at myself before letting him see me. When Toke’s bbm that he was seated came in, I took a breath and stepped out. I checked for his reaction. I could tell he liked what he saw. I went to the door and opened it and struck a sexy pose “shall we? Or would you rather spend the evening looking at me?” He laughed as he stood up “that wouldn’t be such a bad idea you know?” He covered the distance between us in two strides and had his arms around me in the same movement “as tempting as that prospect is, I have something special planned for this evening, so we should get going.” Special something, something special. The words rolled in my mind and I could see him on one knee in a restaurant proposing to me tonight. I couldn’t wait.

We got to the place somewhere in Phase 1 and he led me through the restaurant, up some stairs and then to an open roof with a table for two already set, complete candles lit. The picture of him proposing to me in my head was now in high definition and 3D. We had a lovely three course meal, and talked about beautiful things, his life, my life (the good, wifely parts o, no Mr. X). We even talked about things like number of kids, type of bedroom furnishings and co. Every time his hand went below the table, I expected it to come up with a ring.

After the meal, he held my hands and looked into my eyes. I was sure this was the moment, the climax. First he asked me if I enjoyed the meal. I nodded, cat got my tongue. I could hear the drum rolls now, he would do it any moment from now.

Then he hit me with the bombshell. “You know the saying ‘Revenge is best served cold’”, he said with a twisted, sardonic smile. “So you dey find readymade husband. Your father!” he said, opening his palms at me. Then he stood up and left me there, sitting transfixed to my chair. The shock kept me pinned to the chair, motionless and speechless for some minutes. Then I called Toke “Please come and pick me up”.

 

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133 thoughts on “Finding Hubby – Episode 5

  1. Omg,this is crazy,I would die on †ђξ sport if I was oyin tosh,sorry,I mean oyin clegg,interesting piece

  2. Awwww, Oyin must be in the ER now.. BTW he is still mumustic because if that’s the revenge, he must be dumb! Left to me i think you had a wonderful time and enjoyed yourself even though you might cry through the night..

    PS: i stopped to also google Femi Omotosho *coversface*

    This suspense is getting too mach oooo

    • hahahahahaha. i googled him too. but Femi is such a baby sha o. I need to be wary of writers and the creative lot, they can be creatively mean

  3. Femi ure so not worth it,dats not niceeeee its too much for a revenge
    ,Oyin I’m so sowie for u….Gud work ere *wink*

  4. Femi u av a double salute frm me!! Yes boss on point!! What wre u thinking… Advanced mumuing? Nyways, can’t wait as dis unfolds… Oyin, no worry tables r turning, but ur real man is coming!! Great write up once again, really looking forward to next ep!!

  5. Kai…….. thats the meanest have heard in a long time. Oyin sef no try, how would she think all will end well, not even with the first line Femi dropped, it smelled ice-cold chilled revenge all the way ‘I have missed you Oyin. Ten years, and I’m still single, still without a woman because I carried you into every relationship I had’

  6. What!?? Hahahahaha! Sorry but I ve to laugh,but @ d same time him papa too.omo d guy sharp sha,he knew wot will get to her,chai,so sorry dear! But mk sure u get ur pound bk jor! Na only him dem don dump before!

  7. Lol! Well, Oyin should have known its “too good to be true”. That revenge was served “way too hot”! Lol! Oyin should take heart. Afterall she had her chance in his formative years, but greed and impatience denied her the “sweet future”. Lesson…

    • I concor mehn!!! *chants we want more !!!we want more.
      Buh seriously oyin if it is one episode for her everyday wonder how many episodes u’d av to cover by d tym she finally fynds her hubby!

  8. OMG *eyes popping out of skull* I can’t believ ds.. Ever heard of ground opening to enter? Appropriate time…. mehnn WAT!!! But sha who no like gud tin… 😀

    • wattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt,dat was too gud to be true. oyin, dont worry, ur own man will come.u wan mumu d guy once again abi? i feel for u sha, pele.

  9. Payback’s such a bitch!but then it shows d tosh character was deeply affected by her n his revenge is in some ways a compliment!she got 2 him good!2 options-tell ex-mumu sorry n ask 2 start afresh or binge on alcohol then move on!lots of good chaps out there for oyin!

  10. OMG!!! That was a classical demonstration of “One good MUMU deserves another”. Abi how i foh out am? That was death sentence by electrocution!!! If i be babe, i foh just die straight. Oyin, you sef no try. How could you believe such just like that? He made total nonsense out of your experience. Thought you were a sharp babe. Face it girl – YOU ARE DESPERATE!!!, but you need to take it easy before dem go do you “that 419”. (left eye wink)

    • Oyin meeeeennnnnnnn, dis na real “ho hem geeeee(OMG)!!! how u let femi mumulize u like dat na? sharp babe no dey fall like dat o, at least not on the first date (after 10 yrs)!!! pele love, i feel ur pain sha……..

  11. Now that was a real Bombshell :p …lmao. My prayers were answered from last episode( Femi thanks darl) =)) … Oyin as “Big” as u claim to be am suprised it skipped U dat desperation’s d biggest MOFO…U dey find ready made MAGA, shame…Finally ud only settle for less or find a great guy after much suffering. Lesson learnt, U no go try am again…:p . Nice piece

  12. He doesn’t even knw au to revenge, he shud v proposed to his gf in frnt of her after deceiving her for a month :D. Nyc piece tho. M sure Oyin wld get a better dude

  13. I can’t laugh. Damn! Dt was pretty mean but in a way,I guess Oyin deserved it. Toke was right,it was too good to be true! Sorry Babe. Better luck next time. Nice piece though, can’t wait for the next episode…

  14. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s an ice cold meal meeeeeennnnnnnnnn,ironically I am eating cold meat toooo.

    • madam Peju, which kin cold meat you dey chop. i hope it is not similar to Oyinbarbie’s session. Babes dont fall prey for this avengers o!!!!!!!! Yoruba pple will say where you have said good night you no fit say good evening again though you can be tempted…………. let them come back with their own legs 🙂

  15. Omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s ice cold, but oyin U sef jump na so dem dey marry.smh . Niceone femi

  16. Damn! I can’t laugh. Femi was quite harsh but I guess she deserved it also. Toke was right,if it sounds too good to be true then it aint real. Beta luck next time Oyin. Nice piece, can’t wait for d next episode.

  17. This is just hilarious….I love d end. And Femi sha served his dish of revenge frozen. He should have won an Oscar. To build someone’s hopes so high and den watch it crash like a pack of cards…smh!

  18. I said it!!! Rotf laffing soooooo hard my tummy hurts!!! God catch am! *jeeez I can’t stop laughing @ “so u dey fid ready made husband abi, ur fada!!!
    I hope she realises that her and Kalu have a lot in common!! Their games and payback escapades are going to b legend…… *wait for it!*…. ary!!!
    Nyc writing by the way! Very descriptive

  19. Yeeeee ela,Oyin pele,hope d pain no plenty.I cant just imagine a guy doing that †̥ me,I go almost enta ground.d good part is dat she wasn’t left standing in public but an open roof for just two.sorry Oyin,he just wasn’t meant †̥ be. A better guy go come

  20. Nice one Femi… thumbs up… finding hubby no suppose easy just like that… Oyin work harder and get serious…

  21. Choiiiiiii!!!Oyin Clegg,ur rep is on fire*whew*srry darl,it’s well,cn’t wait 4 d nxt episode…..

  22. Choiiiiiii!!!Oyin Clegg,ur rep is on fire*whew*srry darl,it’s well,it’s likely Femi Tosh had dis planned with sm peeps,cn’t wait 4 d nxt episode…..

  23. Burr really oyin, ur smarter dan dis na, y wuld u even thk he wld propose #raisedeyebrow# let femi hv his revenge jare aftall u shwed him pepper too once #didsomonesaykarma#, thk God u both hadn’t landed in bed yet na dt one fr worse

    • @Oyin….but karma always works naaa, What goes around sure does come around, ur’s came around just quite hard this time…lol

  24. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LMAO!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH my god, tears in my eyes! lmao! No, man, this is too good. Honestly, Oyin, you deserved it…! lmao!!

  25. OMG…………this is a very big lesson for gurls. What goes around will surely come back.**feelin so sorry for Oyin**

  26. Omg !!! D̶̲̥̅̊ï$ Ís̶̲̥̅̊ terrible Femi Ís̶̲̥̅̊ wicked if I’m Oyin I wuld die on d spot buh Femi acted childish here. He Ís̶̲̥̅̊ still *mumuing
    * himself

  27. Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡♏G! Femi’S̶̲̥̅ 2 mean joooh,ah ah! I feel 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ jawe Oyin,but don’t U̶̲̥̅̊ tink į̸̸̨ƭ’S̶̲̥̅ a step 2 ur greatness?.
    Nyc piece tho.

  28. But Oyin sef, u’ve forgotten the rule of mumutising, when a guy mumutises for you, and u dump him, when next you see him as very accomplished, just act like u couldn’t be bothered. Then when he does come back asking you to be he’s again you will have the upper hand. Well pesin don mumutise for me sha n na me dump am (hehe). And I still control his love life. Not that i’m interested.

  29. Well I feel Femi Tosh lurking around somewhere in the future of this our finding hubby, and trust me he’ll be apologetic.

  30. Its rare for a wounded heart to forget a heart break though, I loved the fact that she made an effort afterall he was a christian and forgiveness is a big part of it. Its a very witty,believable girly rendition of every girls journey of kissing frogs until you find the prince. Its very wise to have trusted friends our defence and support mechanism for the rainy and thunderous days nice one!

  31. sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oyin……… you fall my hand ooooooo smart babe like you should know better now………shine yah eye!!!!!!

  32. But you sef, how would u think dat he’l see u immediately and propose to you afta u hurt himm *smh* and is this fiction or real….I’m enjoying it tho *wink*

  33. I don’t know why we can delude ourselves sometimes…. What did u expect? ‘Sugar bum am home! Came back specifically for you’ u just got ‘mumutised’ moving on….

  34. One general problem with oyin is dat she’s too gullible, look b4 u leap. Besides femi is a reasonable guy, wat if he had slept wit her and in the middle of their rendevous he dropped d bombshell. But kudos 2 oyin though, she seems like a survivor

  35. Abegi he shld let’s hear word joo. Is he d first guy to get dumped. Instead of him to be happy that u’r willing to reconsider his mumuity, now that he has cash. D guy na wash. Shior.

  36. i love this. that’s naija girls for u. most of u girls that grew up there r sluts!! money money money! lmaooooooo

  37. Haha,nice. But not mean enough, she should have woken up the next morning to find him gone back to the US with a note beside her saying what he said verbally(as a writer nah), and the hotel bills unpaid. Wink

  38. I think Oyin was being very silly if she actually tot femi would take her back. at least not that fast..if it was ever gonna happen. she was definitely operating from a different realm than reality

  39. IMO femi tosh is just a very angry someborry *rme*
    she broke your heart okay!!life happens + God don talk for bible that vengeance is for Him
    oyin will get berra soon,so gbo my dear

  40. hmn… what a bad moment for Oyin. Thank God you had someone to drive you home sha because am so sure you would die of high blood pressure. What a shock! Pay Back Period

  41. Wow! Now he just prove that he is normal! Babe pls tell me the part of u hoping he was gonna propose is all fiction? U honestly didnt think he got so exposed and still remained a first class mums did u? :]Y

  42. I think I’m beginning 2 develop an interest in toke cuz lyk she sed it all seemes 2 gud 2 b tru. Wt was oyin expecting , dt Femi wld go on 1 knee nd propose nd all d gud things wld come 2 her jst lyk dt?

  43. Loooooooooooool
    But how would u expect him to propose after how you treated him,even if he were going to,not so soon na

  44. oyin u say u go unilag, u be real desperado, as a unilag babe, u suppose sharp u reali disappointed me there, na so dem dey propose for ur village?

  45. Well oyin Had it coming BIG time, and though the revenge was well deserved, that Femi tosh can sure hold a Grudge for a long time. That was childish of him

  46. Yeeeepa! Abeg my sister Oyin, come down a bit. Irrespective of your good life, you seem to scream desperate at all times for those who fit your description of a husband though. No well-thinking sharp big girl will nail a man like that o. Pech small, enjoy yourself as you have always and treat this husband- search issue as a dress search(no b do or die). Don’t forget single motherhood is an option or the Nike Oshinowo style is also ok(at least there’s money to spend and fame to bask in).

  47. seriously!!!!!!you r just tha bomb!!!!!!im at episode 22, didnt start from the beginning, so had to go back to read from the beginning, and OMG !!!!!i cant concentrate at work again!!!!!!!LWKMD!

  48. Woooow!!!!dats some jaw dropping thnz…oma shey o,pele oyin….m picturing RMD being Femi Tosh,n Genevieve being Oyin Clegg,dats some bad ass movie..*winkwink*

  49. Oyin shuld av known it is too good 2 be true…after insulting him cos he couldn’t meet ur demands nd breaking up wiv him…u now think he’s jes gonna come back nd wife u…nigerian guys aint dat dumb u knw…cry it out nd move on dear *sad*

  50. Pingback: Finding Hubby – All The Episodes | tlsplace

  51. Lmaoooo. I kent! I’m dying! I love the way you write tho n ur personality comes through it all. I’m sure so many girls can relate… Hehehe.

  52. Lmfao!!!!!!… It was too good abeg.. rotfl.. She had it coming.. If he’d even hit on her and gone thru the wooing process I’d have considered the fact that it ‘MAY’ have been for real.. Maybe I’m too much of a pessimist, but I like2think I know where2draw d line.. Chai!.. Loooooool..

  53. Pingback: FINDING HUBBY BY TUNDE LEYE EPISODE 4 (REBLOG) | Titithedynamite.

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